


White Flag

by Kahika



Series: Relay Monument Incident [7]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Apologies, Assassination Attempt(s), Canonical Character Death, Citadel Coup, F/M, First Aid, Friendship, Investigations, Love Confessions, Side Quests, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-18 07:28:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4697447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kahika/pseuds/Kahika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just Ashley's luck for this to happen to her <i>twice</i>, to randomly run into Garrus on the job only for him to be linked to Cerberus.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who has gone farthest? For lo! have not I gone farther?

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter titles are from [Walt Whitman's "Excelsior"](https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/excelsior).
> 
> Also, I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who's ever left kudos, bookmarks, or comments on this series, and the anon who followed me home to my Tumblr. I'm not great at replying to comments but I really do appreciate you all engaging with this accidental series for a random rarepair. Sorry about the wait!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Commander Williams, we're here for Udina."

Before the last five minutes of the coup, Ashley only remembers moments: Getting a coffee with Thane before physical therapy. Telling him why she focused on assault and sniper rifles as she got promoted. Declaring that she had to protect the Council. Grabbing the first gun that came to hand in her locker. Udina saying they could escape from Shalmar Plaza. The Council guards falling around her like Eden Prime all over again. Tevos hurling Singularity at a group of Cerberus soldiers. Sparatus fabricating a Proximity Mine, furious that he didn't have enough omni-gel to make a gun. Udina cringing from a Cerberus soldier's sword before Sparatus steps forward with his omni-blade, struggling with locked blades until Tevos Throws her off the side of the Plaza.

(She's not sure later whether to be impressed or embarrassed by that last one. Who knew the Council had some bite? She certainly wouldn't have, if she'd done her job and hadn't let anyone get through to them.)

Her memory snaps into uninterrupted focus on top of Shalmar Plaza when Garrus, Shepard, and Liara emerge from the elevator. In her peripheral vision, Liara locks the elevator door behind them, but mostly she only has eyes for Garrus, who's just as wide-eyed. She's been hoping every day to see him again, but not like this.

(He looks good, besides the fact that he's on the _wrong side_. His scars aren't as red and angry and new any more, and he has new armor instead of the rocket-blown set she'd worried wouldn't protect him.)

She lowers her gun. "Garrus?" Damn, should've used his surname. There goes her professionalism.

"Ash," he says; she can hear the effort it's taking to keep his voice steady. She wishes he'd put that effort into putting his gun away.

"They're with Cerberus!" Udina barks.

It's just her luck for this to happen to her _twice_ , to randomly run into Garrus on the job only for him to be linked to Cerberus. Shepard's made it clear enough to her that she's cut ties with them, but it's been almost eight months and Garrus never e-mailed, never called, never visited, never came back to her to finish what she wouldn't let him say. She only found out he was still alive at her sister's wedding, and that was months after Hackett would have seen him on the _Normandy_ for Shepard's debriefing about blowing up the Bahak system. That's time enough for Cerberus to have offered him something more lucrative than the thought of protecting her family. His mother's sick. He could use the money. She wouldn't be surprised if one would-have-been suicide mission is enough for him to choose his family over hers this time.

Shepard motions for her squad to lower their guns, and Garrus obeys, but Ashley still raises her gun again just in case as she moves towards them.

"What's going on?" she asks, and she's very proud of herself for sounding like she's still in control instead of like she's just lost it.

"You know me better than this, Ash," says Shepard.

Garrus brings his gun back up, deliberately angling past her at Udina. She blocks his shot and aims at him instead of in Shepard's general direction, ignoring the way her heart clenches.

"I don't know _Garrus_ any more."

His mandibles draw together as he tries to line up another shot. It's almost like a dance, with his gun as the leader and hers trained on his head. "Ash -"

"Don't 'Ash' me," she blurts out. Not when he might be with Cerberus, not on the job, not in front of the Council.

"Commander Williams," he amends smoothly, and despite herself she wants to hear him say her full rank and name. "We're here for Udina."

"Stand _down_ , Vakarian," Shepard says, her voice tight with tension.

Garrus ignores her, his eyes still locked on Ashley. She wishes he'd obey. Even she can tell that a turian killing the second human Councilor would cause a shitstorm of political ramifications. "Listen to your commander," she suggests. "Neither of our species can afford a repeat of the First Contact War right now."

"Let that be on _me_ , Commander," he says, stepping forward. "You don't have to get involved."

She's already involved. "Don't you _dare_ come any closer," she warns, putting her finger on the trigger, and though her voice manages to come out appropriately threatening, she has a feeling her eyes are begging him not to.

Thankfully, he stops in line with Shepard. "Please don't do this."

"Put the gun down," she retorts, and because military clearly isn't working and he said it first, she adds, " _Please_."

His eyes soften, looking very much like he did in that 800 block motel room half a year ago, and he lowers his gun and murmurs, "O heart, heart, heart."

Ashley narrows her eyes. They've never used pet names, even before he disappeared on her, and he knows how she feels about public displays of affection. "What?"

"O Captain, my Captain," he says, which is not the next line, but she's too stunned that he remembers (or looked up) an American poem she recited in front of him two years ago to point this out. "Rise up and hear the bells. Rise up -"

"As I recall, the Captain dies in that poem," Shepard cuts in, baffled.

The interruption gives Ashley time to regroup, to remember another poem she's quoted to him. "If suddenly you forget me, do not look for me, for I shall already have forgotten you."

Garrus looks reproachful. "For _you_ the flag is flung. For you the bugle trills. For you bouquets and ribbon'd wreaths."

Everything about this is completely inappropriate - the timing, the audience, the choice of poems, his reinterpretation of it - but at the same time, reciting a poem she likes is the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for her, not something a willing Cerberus agent would do. "For you the shores a-crowding," she replies, and she takes a deep breath, and lowers her gun.

"We don't have time for _poetry_ ," says Udina, looking incredulous as he moves to the elevator console. "I'm overriding the lock."

Garrus raises his gun again, hers coming up after his like dominoes in reverse. "He's the one behind this, Commander! Councilor Valern has proof." 

"I don't see that proof here," Udina scoffs. "You clearly learned how to throw around accusations without evidence from Shepard."

"You know, I'll own that," says Garrus, starting to tap at his omni-tool. "I don't have _Valern's_ proof here. But I didn't make up what he said."

A video window projects from his omni-tool, depicting Shepard aiming her heavy pistol at a masked human man with a Cerberus emblem on his chest, and Valern in between them. Though the first few murmurings are too low for her translator to catch, he gets the volume up loud enough for all of them to hear Valern saying, " _Udina. He's staging a coup. He's got the other councilors now - to hand over to Cerberus._ "

The vid continues, with the masked man attacking Valern and Thane of all people jumping in and fighting him, but Garrus mutes it.

"A fabrication," Udina snaps.

Garrus actually laughs. She wants to punch him for not taking this seriously while she has three people to protect and a gun pointed at him. "Like I have time to fake a video. After spending three months trying to prove the existence of Reapers, I try to _record_ anything that could be useful as evidence," he says, tapping his visor. "Of course, if you want more, I'm sure those Cerberus goons in the elevator shaft would be happy to say who's bankrolling them before they kill half the Council and leave Udina standing."

"Vakarian, _stand down_ ," Shepard repeats through gritted teeth, and he finally steps back, level with Liara, and switches his omni-tool off.

Ashley glances between Garrus and Shepard warily, then mutters, "I'm going to regret this," and swings around to face Udina, taking point for her old squad.

"Never," says Garrus.

She gets the feeling he's not talking about her switching sides. Quickly, she smothers a smile, and instead aims her gun at the man who made her a Spectre. "Udina, step away from the console."

"This is ridiculous," he snaps. "I expected better of you, Commander Williams."

It's mostly only been in the last six months that people have expected anything good out of her. Ashley falters, and in that moment _Tevos_ steps up to Udina, one hand raised to stop him.

Time seems to slow down as Udina shoves his fellow councilor to the ground and draws a gun on her. A gun, this whole time that he's been the only one not fighting -

 _A gun._ "Gun!" she shouts.

As she aims, both Tevos and Udina flare biotic blue. Udina freezes, there's tension in the asari councilor's outstretched hand, and Ashley fires. A bloodstain blooms in Udina's chest, but he has two wounds almost overlapping each other. When he falls, she glances behind her to find Garrus' rifle smoking.

"Son of a bitch," she mutters, not even sure if she means Udina or Garrus.

Garrus turns to Shepard and gives her an ironic bow. "O Captain, my Captain, our fearful trip is done."

If Ashley's laughter while she gathers Sparatus and Tevos together is a little hysterical, no one calls her out on it. Whitman must be rolling in his grave.

She turns around with her gun up again when she hears the elevator doors open; in the edges of her vision, she can see the blue of Tevos preparing her biotics and the orange of Sparatus bringing up his omni-tool. Instead of Cerberus, however, Captain Bailey and a few C-Sec officers step out, guns drawn, though they soon lower them.

"Made it as fast as we could, Shepard," says Bailey. "Looks like you, uh... took care of things."

"Adviser Vakarian said Cerberus was targeting us," says Sparatus. Ashley darts a glance at Garrus to raise an eyebrow at the new title, and he simply shrugs, mouthing something her translator doesn't catch. One of these days when the world's not ending, she'll shell out for a mouth reading upgrade, or maybe she'll learn Apien. "Where did their soldiers go?"

"They beat feet into the keeper tunnels when they figured out we were onto them," says Bailey, making a face. "Sorry, Councilor. I'll say it plain: Shepard just saved the lot of you."

"It was a combined effort," says Shepard, looking at her thoughtfully.

"Isn't it always?" says Sparatus. "Still, you have saved my life twice now, Shepard. I owe you both a personal debt and one on behalf of Palaven."

Shepard shrugs off the debt, and continues talking to Bailey, Sparatus, and Tevos. Ashley pointedly concentrates on the conversation, putting in a question as to Valern's whereabouts ("with C-Sec agents I trust"), but she can feel Garrus' gaze on her the entire time. The air between them is heavy, has been since she pointed a gun at him, but now the tension in it is shifting, almost like it was towards the end of their tour on the first _Normandy_.

"We'll take it from here, Williams," says Bailey, as his officers start to lead Tevos and Sparatus away. "Krios said you only recently got out of hospital - go get some rest."

"Thank you, Commander," she says, giving him a nod even though she has very little intention of doing so. Truth be told, she doesn't really know _what_ she wants to do now. Garrus being here is throwing off her usual post-crisis reactions.

She ends up in the same elevator going back down as him and the squad. Once the doors close and everyone's holstered their guns, Garrus steps closer to her, but doesn't touch her. Shepard clocks the movement, raises an eyebrow at him, and then says, "What was _that_?"

"Possibly the first use of poetry to resolve an interspecies hostage situation?" Garrus suggests blithely.

"You wouldn't have needed to resolve it if you hadn't _escalated_ it by aiming at Udina in the first place," Shepard says, her tone sharp. "And _you_ don't resolve them in front of me, especially when your girlfriend -"

"She's not my girlfriend," he says, sounding like he's said it a million times, at the same time as Ashley says, "I'm not his girlfriend."

"When your _whatever_ is on the other side," she continues, rolling her eyes. "But we'll discuss that later. 'O Captain! My Captain!', seriously?"

"I recited it to him after your memorial," Ashley mumbles, before looking up at Garrus. "I didn't know you knew it."

"I looked it up after my mom's funeral," he admits.

"Your mom's dead?" Ashley and Shepard ask at once.

"It was three months before the Reapers hit Palaven and Earth," he says, looking down. "It didn't seem important now."

Of _course_ it's important. Without thinking, Ashley takes his hand and squeezes it. " _Garrus_."

Garrus looks at their intertwined fingers. She considers letting go, like she did two years ago on the docks after Tali left for the Flotilla, but this time she doesn't. It's only Shepard and Liara here, and Garrus has already made his feelings clear in front of them.

"You changed the captain's gender," he says.

"Shepard never made Captain anyway."

"Tell that to the quarians," says Shepard with a smirk, getting a confused look out of Ashley.

"Quarians refer to the commanding officer of any ship as Captain," Liara says helpfully.

Ashley's not in the mood for a quarian cultural lesson. "Fascinating."

The conversation dies faster than Udina, and unlike Shepard, stays that way. Once they're back on the commons level, Shepard dismisses Liara and Garrus, then starts heading off herself, Liara on her heels anyway. Garrus looks Ashley up and down, their hands still joined. She can tell he wants to say something.

She doesn't want him to say anything.

"I have an apartment," she blurts out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a little annoyed that the asari councilor apparently suffers from biotic Shepard syndrome in that she doesn't use her biotics in cutscenes. And then I couldn't very well leave the councilor for a species of soldiers out of the fun.
> 
> Garrus recited Whitman; Ashley quoted Neruda.


	2. And who has been just? For I would be the most just person of the earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "'Shit happens, we have sex' isn't enough any more."

"What are we doing here?"

"I think I ripped some stitches and I'm out of almost everything," Ashley says, because she just remembered that before Garrus opened his mouth.

"You're in the sexual health category."

She glances up at him from the drug store kiosk, where she was about to order opposite chirality allergy meds. He's more focused on her now than he was during the standoff - she'd forgotten how that felt, as if she's the only thing that matters.

"Talk to me, Ash," he says. "You're not walking away from me in a pharmacy again."

She swipes up to the main menu and looks around, before she headbutts him. His eyes widen, and after a moment he gives her a tentative smile.

"Can we talk at my place?" she asks quietly. It's the exact opposite of why she asked him over, but if he wants to talk, it can't be where anyone can walk in on them.

"I thought that was what we were going there for in the first place, not -" He gestures at the terminal. "'Shit happens, we have sex' isn't enough any more."

"It never _was_ enough. I just never thought we could have more." For a moment, she hesitates, then she cups his cheek in her hand. With a contented sigh, Garrus closes his eyes, and she marvels at the trust he has in her even after she's just displayed complete distrust in him. "I really do need medi-gel and bandages, though."

"You need medical attention," he corrects her.

Reluctantly, she lets go and turns back to the terminal, tapping into the wound care section. "The clinics and hospitals will be full of people who need more urgent care than me," she says. "I'll just get Sarah to check them later; she's studying nursing."

"Let me take you to an actual doctor," he says. "You don't have to tough this out."

"If you mean Chakwas..."

He nods in her peripheral vision. "You're Alliance."

"I'm not _Normandy_ ," she says, ordering the medi-gel. And she doesn't know if she ever will be again, especially after today.

"Like Kirrahe and his men were," he says dismissively. "Chakwas treated them too."

She adds bandages and medical tape to her order, her tone a little sharper than intended. "Was that while I was being stabilized just enough to sit up for the debriefing?"

"Sorry," he murmurs.

Instead of answering, she just charges the purchase to the Council, confirms her Spectre status, and fetches her order from the delivery counter. This is what she gets for listening to Udina: Feeling horribly out of sync with one of the people she loves most in this galaxy, even more than when he found her in I-Nova all those months ago.

"Can we just drop this?" she asks, heading back to the rapid transit with him on her heels. "I'll get checked out once the whole station's not in crisis mode, I promise."

"Okay," he concedes. "Look, I just worry about you. I need to know you're okay, you're healing."

" _I_ needed to know you were okay _months_ ago, when you came back through the relay," she says wearily. "I only found out a week before the Reapers hit Earth, and only because Admiral Hackett was at my sister's wedding."

"Your family is on a wedding invites basis with Hackett?" Garrus says, puzzled.

"Turns out Thomas is his great nephew."

He chuckles. "This galaxy really is too small."

"It's just small enough to bring you back to me," she says, getting a surprised and hopeful look out of him. She taps the rapid transit terminal. "You drive. I'll give you directions."

He opens the door for her, chivalry she didn't expect from him after so long. "You alright?"

"Adrenaline's starting to wear off," she says, getting into the skycar and buckling her seatbelt. "Starting to feel all the aches and pains and the fact that I missed my PT appointment today."

"And you wanted to have sex," he scoffs, but his subharmonic's warm and fond.

As he goes to shut the door, Ashley grabs his cowl, tugs him down into the car, and kisses him, feather-light. Garrus lets out this whine she's only heard from him once before, the morning she left for the Rapid Response Base, but doesn't move, leaving it up to her to deepen the kiss. It's slow and steady, reacquainting themselves with each other's mouths and movements, and when she finally pulls away, her hand's on his cheek and his is in her hair.

"You're injured," he says raggedly, almost as if he's trying to remind himself as well as her. "This is a rental car."

"I -" she starts, and then changes her mind. It's been months. She pointed a gun at him. _She_ wouldn't love her after that. "I missed you."

He looks a little disappointed, but all he says is, "You missed kissing someone who hasn't picked up anything you don't like from someone else," his tone light.

"I missed _you_ ," she says more firmly, tilting her forehead to touch his, and he splays his mandibles before pulling away to actually get inside.

"I... 'missed' you too," he says, as he takes them up into the sky, and she wonders if he heard what she wanted to say anyway.

 

Garrus is the first person she's had in her Spectre apartment. It's smaller than Sarah's rental down in Kithoi Ward, and after being cooped up in the hospital for so long, Ashley prefers going out to staying in.

She doesn't tell him this. She just puts her gun in her locker, takes a couple of the heavy duty painkillers she was prescribed on discharge, and finds her first aid kit while Garrus looks around like he's back in C-Sec and he's searching for clues. It feels less like an invasion of privacy and more like she's installing a gun mod she's never so much as thought about using and the gun's balancing even better in her hands than before.

"I forgot to say in the car - I am so proud of you for becoming a Spectre," he says over his shoulder.

Ashley smiles. After telling Sarah and leaving comm messages for her mom and her other sisters, he'd been the person she'd most wanted to tell, but she couldn't bring herself to ask Shepard or anyone else from the _Normandy_ for his e-mail or comm address, or use her new privileges to find out. "Turns out I didn't even need you to fill in the candidacy form for me."

"I really did want to tell you that I told you so," he says, and she shakes her head, only barely restraining the laugh that threatens to bubble up. "But this place makes me glad _I_ never made it."

It _is_ too small for two people, she thinks despite herself. She rolls her eyes. "You don't like it, _you're_ paying for a hotel room. I'm not putting 'hotel room, because my - because someone thinks he's too good for Spectre accommodation' on my expense report."

"Oh, no, I'm also glad to be out of hotels," he says, leaning against the breakfast bar. "But my apartment in Bachjret Ward was bigger than this."

"A salarian Spectre told me we aren't expected to be around for long enough to make ourselves at home," says Ashley. The shield generator in her officer jacket bangs on the floor as she unzips and drops it, not caring where she puts her clothes. She'll probably have to pack it all up later when the Council fires her, anyway. "That's why we all have bachelorettes."

He squints at her. "My translator just gave me two meanings for that. They seem unrelated."

She can feel his eyes on her while she strips down to her underwear. "Did you really want to talk about English linguistics?"

"No."

As she surveys the damage in the mirror, his footsteps move into the bathroom and she hears the sound of running water, but she ignores him in favor of twisting and looking over her shoulder to check her back. Some ripped stitches like she'd thought, a couple of bullet grazes, bruises. Nothing deep or penetrating, but her bandages are useless now.

Ashley sighs, and starts to peel them off. "These were fresh this morning."

He reemerges with her loofah, damp in his hand, and tugs her into what passes for her kitchen. With every bandage she removes, he gently wipes the blood from her skin. They always did work better together.

" _Why_ weren't you in armor?" he asks plaintively. "All those soldiers - there was a _mech_ , Ash. What if they'd come for you instead of us?"

"There wasn't time for full armor," she says. "Everything happened so fast - I only had time to grab one gun. There's a shield generator in my jacket, at least."

Their hands land together on the disinfectant. Ashley looks up at him, and the world seems to stop as they hold that eye contact.

Both of them lean in.

She lets him take the bottle.

" _Make_ time," he says softly. She whimpers when the disinfectant stings, but waves him onward. "I'm sure even the Alliance doesn't have _good_ shield generators that small, and I know the Council doesn't give you anything. From what I heard, your armor was what saved your life on Mars."

He's not wrong; her doctors have mentioned that the micro-stimulants and medi-gel dispensers kept her alive, but he never contacted her about Mars or visited her in hospital. He has no _right_ to talk about it. "I don't want to talk about Mars."

He nods, and when he moves behind her, he gently kisses the back of her head.

She reaches for the medi-gel as he finishes cleaning her up, but he shakes his head and holds his hand out for it.

"Let me," he says.

"'You need medical attention,'" she says, dropping her pitch as close to his as she can get it. "I didn't realize you qualified."

"I don't," he admits. "But I wasn't there for you for a lot of things, which is probably how today happened. I want to be here for you now."

"Even after what happened with the Council?"

"Especially after what happened with the Council," he says, and she again wonders how much subtext he understood, because she wasn't just talking about being physically here for her. " _Always_."

There's her answer: All of it.

She hands over the bottle. "I just don't think I'd get everything on my back."

"Of course," he says, his mandibles twitching.

Garrus applies and promptly activates the medi-gel one wound at a time, methodically going from the actively bleeding to the deepest to the shallowest. His triaging is honestly more effective than the physical proximity-based order she would have done out of impatience. Once he's done, he swaps the medi-gel for the bandages and medical tape, and this time she doesn't resist. Other people can wrap tighter than she can, along with reaching the bits on her back.

Besides, it's nice having his hands on her, even if it's not in the way she'd like.

As she watches him remove one gauntlet and disinfect his talons, she says, "First time I've seen you do this," because back in the day, the most first aid she saw him do was use medi-gel.

"Because we always had Chakwas onboard, and she's better than the first aid training I had back in the military and C-Sec. But when I was on - when I stopped writing, up until I got these," he says, pointing at his scarred cheek and mandible. "I was leading this multispecies team. And we didn't have a doctor, let alone one experienced in xenobiology like on the _Normandy_ , so I got a lot more practice."

No wonder his claws are so gentle as he rebandages her, only ever tearing a bandage if he means to. "Sounds like an interesting ride," she says.

"Definitely," he says, his smile bittersweet. "I kept trying to tell you about it, but couldn't get in touch. And now there's only two of us left."

She opens her mouth to ask, but he headbutts her before she can say anything.

"It's a long story," he says quietly. "And I think we have more pressing things to talk about right now."

"Some other time," she offers.

"Definitely."

At last he finishes up, but instead of packing up, he just pulls her closer, wrapping his arms around her as he headbutts her. She closes her eyes, her hands settling onto his hips, and for a moment they simply breathe together, the safest she's felt since Cerberus attacked - no, since the Reapers attacked Earth.

"I hate holding you in armor," she murmurs. There's so much more between them, especially now that he's wearing heavy armor instead of the medium weight he used to wear before Shepard's death. "Just so you know."

He chuckles. "And I hate hanging out in just my compression suit, so unless you'll let me go back to the ship for civvies..."

Ashley pulls herself away, stepping to her wardrobe. "No, you're not going anywhere," she says, and Garrus smirks. She pulls out her Spectre hoodie and throws it at him. "Throw that on over your suit."

Catching the hoodie, his gaze flicks to the small Spectre wings on the left breast, and his mandibles spread wide before he puts it aside and starts removing his armor. "You _know_ it's not going to fit me."

"I want to see you try it anyway," she says, smirking. "Besides, you look good in blue."

"Hopefully not so good you'll jump me the second it's on."

"That's if I let you go and you come back in formalwear," she says, and from the way he laughs, the whole mess with the Council might never have happened.

But it did happen, and she needs to fix it. Ashley throws on some shorts and a T-shirt, then packs up her first aid kit. She doesn't jump him once he's wearing her hoodie (though the sleeves don't make it all the way up his arms, he still looks happy to be wearing Spectre gear) and both gloves. Instead she sits on her bed, as far away from his perch leaning on the breakfast bar as she can get in her shoebox of an apartment.

"Going back to... more pressing matters," she says.

Garrus nods, bracing his hands on the bar. "What happened back there? You _know_ I only worked with Cerberus for you - I'm on your side, Ash. I'm on your side even when you're not."

"I know," she says. "That's one of the reasons why I - why I missed you."

He studies her for a moment, then says, "If you mean what I think you do when you say you missed me, you don't have to worry about me not saying it back."

She smiles, surprised, but shakes her head. "Not until we make this right."

"Alright."

"'cause that turned into a mess," she adds, more serious now. "Shepard had you put your guns down, I was ready to listen - and then you put yours back up, and I just _reacted_."

"Not the same way as you did to Udina pulling out a gun," Garrus notes.

"Because it's _you_ ," she whispers. She might have been doubting him in her head, but it seems her heart had other ideas. "I don't ever want to point a gun at you again."

"You have my permission to kill me if I ever get indoctrinated or harvested," he says.

Ashley takes the book from her nightstand and throws it at him. " _Garrus_."

"I know," he says softly, picking up the book and setting it on the bar. "Neither do I. I _had_ a clear shot, but when you stepped in front of him... Shepard's done that too. That revenge mission I mentioned the last time we saw each other: She kept blocking my shot. But I wasn't as _scared_ as when you did that today. I can't lose you like that."

"Then why the hell did you raise your gun?"

Garrus shrugs helplessly. "Because it's you," he says. "I saw you, and I just wanted this Udina bullshit to be over. I already saw one friend get injured today, possibly fatally. I wanted to get back to _us_."

She makes a mental note to ask about the friend later. "'Udina bullshit's a good way to put it," she says wryly. "I can't believe he was behind this - I can't believe I let him pit us against each other."

"Well, we got him in the end," he says. "So I don't think he'll be coming between us any more."

He's right. The important thing is that they won, that they stopped the coup, that one of them didn't kill the person they love. Ashley takes a deep breath, and lets it go. "I'm sorry for doubting you," she says quietly.

His mandibles draw together. "That _did_ hurt," he says. "But I forgive you, even if it'll take me a while to really get over it. And _I'm_ sorry I let things get to the point where you doubted me."

"That's on me too," she admits. Even losing touch with him the first time was partially on her for not keeping a non-military e-mail active, but she's never liked paying for out of system access. "You know, the worst part was when I was stuck in hospital and I never saw you. Even Wrex and Liara came, and Liara spent half her visit looking at her omni-tool. Shepard mentioned what you were up to with the refugees, and I wouldn't ask you to choose between me and your people, but I just felt..."

She throws up a hand, unable to think of even a poem that describes how _unwanted_ she felt, on top of being bored and useless. Garrus looks down, but she notices his gaze focus on the book, and abruptly he holds it up, a new light in his eyes.

"I tried," he says. "I only managed to get there once, but you were asleep, and I felt creepy."

Ashley stares. "That was _you_?"

He nods, looking nervous but determined. "Did you like it?"

"I love it," she says. "But I had no idea who it was from; the afternoon nurse said it was there when she started her shift. Were the flowers you as well?"

"The receptionist said it was the customary gift for humans," he says. "But you only had one other bundle."

"Bouquet. A bunch of flowers is called a bouquet," she says, wondering how the hell that translated. "That was from Sar. I think everyone else went, 'Ash is a badass soldier; she won't want something girly like flowers,' but I loved them."

"What's girly about flowers?" he asks, apparently genuinely confused. "They have both reproductive structures."

She laughs, the easiest she has all day. "Human sexism. I'll spare you the anthropology lecture and just say _thank you_. I should have known you'd at least try to visit."

"I've spent the last two and a half years hoping to run into you by accident," he says. "I couldn't deliberately pass up an opportunity to see you."

"That's how I've spent the last two and a half years, too," she admits, smiling over at him. "I mean, I could have done without two of those accidents involving Cerberus, but..."

"But we're here now."

Ashley nods, and only hesitates for a moment before asking, "Can we have a fresh start? I don't want us to look at each other and just see... the guy who didn't e-mail, the girl who didn't trust. I want to get to know you again."

"I'd like that," he says, nodding. "We've gotten a lot wrong here - I want to start getting things right."

"Together this time," she says, and she thinks she may be pushing her luck when she strikes what she hopes is a seductive pose and adds, "Starting with you getting over here and getting to know me again."

He chuckles, but takes the hint, climbing onto the bed. "You're _barely_ healed," he says, moving over her. "And we didn't get condoms."

She pulls him close enough to headbutt. "I trust you," she says, deciding to let him draw his own conclusions, and she kisses him like they have all the time in the world, without a trace of their usual desperation to get as much of each other as they can before someone has to leave. Someone will have to leave eventually - Shepard had clearly wanted to talk to Garrus once everyone calmed down, and the Council will probably have words for her - but for now, there's just his mouth on hers, her hand on the side of his neck, his talons curling around her waist as if they belong there, and warmth spreading through her body. _This_ is what she dreamed of back on that Rapid Response Base, not abducted colonists and traitorous councilors.

When they part for air, he smiles lazily at her. "It's nice to get to know you, Lieutenant Commander Ashley Madeline Williams, Office of Special Tactics and Reconnaissance."

She chuckles at how he treats not only her full rank, but her Spectre status as part of her full name. "Hey, that's not fair; I have no idea what positions you're holding now. Sparatus called you Adviser?"

"I thought I was in -" Her translator ignores the Apien term he gives her, then he adds, straight-faced, "But Joker says it's called 'missionary position' in English," and she groans and smacks his carapace. "Sparatus was using my Hierarchy position, which is Reaper Adviser. But I'm still Gunnery Officer on the _Normandy_." He pauses, then adds, "I was called Archangel on Omega. When we lost touch with each other."

A rocket to the face, a multispecies team with only two members left, a certain reticence around the subject, a name and a station she heard rumors of while working in the Terminus Systems. Every new clue about the year she thought she lost him makes it only more intriguing. But as interesting as it is, she doesn't want it to ruin the mood. " _You_ , an angel?" she teases. "Do I have to be a good girl?"

He leans down and headbutts her. "The only thing you have to be is you."

There he goes, being sweet while she's making fun. With a smile, she goes to roll them over, because if he wants her to be herself, he needs a reminder that Ashley Williams is a hellcat off the battlefield. Unfortunately, the limited space of Spectre accommodation rears its tiny head again, and she ends up almost shoving him off the single bed. It only makes them both laugh as he climbs back on and she drapes herself on top of him, settling comfortably between his legs. She lets him take all her weight, not wanting to remind her body that it's aching while she's on painkillers and the medi-gel's anaesthetic.

"You're gonna have to tell me how that code name happened some day," she informs him.

"Some day," he agrees. "But right now, I want to focus on us."

She nods, and nips gently at his mandible. He runs a hand through her hair as she trails soft kisses to the corner of his mouth, then he turns his head just enough to capture her lip between his mouth plates and slip his tongue inside. The slightly metallic tang to his mouth, the sharp edges of his teeth as she gingerly teases her tongue along them, the graze and heat of his plates against her skin - it's all a little addictive. She could easily do this all day, even knowing she'll end up with a sore throat if they don't get the emergency allergy meds.

It seems he's content to stay like this too, because he can't keep his mouth off hers nor his hands off her face and body. He runs his talons down her spine, getting a pleasurable shiver out of her, then settles his hand on her ass and squeezes. When she tries to spread her legs in invitation, he only closes his own legs around hers, slapping her ass reproachfully. She can't help the giggle that escapes her, only partially caught in his mouth.

He breaks the kiss just far enough to ask, "Something funny?"

"Just wasn't expecting that," she says. "Damn, I guess you _do_ want me to be good, Archangel."

She'd deliberately dropped her voice to a purr on that code name, but he makes a face. "Oh, that name's weird from you. Just 'Garrus', please."

"Garrus," she whispers, sweet instead of seductive, but it's enough to make him smile as she goes to kiss him again.

She likes that, his smile against her lips, his mandibles in the turian version of a smile when she brushes her thumb down his scars. She likes being _happy_ with him, knowing he's happy, knowing that even if they haven't said it, they love each other; she likes this so much better than grieving or knowing they'll never see each other again or being furious at him. She likes how his movements are neither tentative nor insistent, but simply _are_ , his hands easy and familiar on her like on a favorite rifle. She likes the slight tremble through his chest when she sneaks a hand nails-first under his tunic; she likes the slow, deliberate way he inches the hem of her shirt up her waist.

She doesn't like when his omni-tool rings and she startles off of him. He puts his hand on the back of her head and tugs her back down, but just short of his mouth, she asks, "Who is that?"

"Shepard," he says reluctantly.

"You _sure_ you're not into threesomes?" she asks wryly. "Because the only time she hasn't interrupted us was when she was dead."

Garrus laughs, and arches up to kiss her, but she pulls away.

"No, you're answering that."

"Aye aye, ma'am," he says, flopping back down onto the bed, and she grins as he picks up the call. "Shepard. ... Which Spectre's apartment do you _think_ I'm in? Actually, do you have one of these? Why didn't you tell me how small they are when I was re-applying for Spectre candidacy?"

"She was _dead_ when you re-applied," Ashley points out, resting her cheek on his chest, and his mandibles twitch with amusement.

"Mm, I know _I'd_ rather have a ship than an apartment," he says. She lifts a hand to play with his fringe, not wanting to distract him this time but just wanting to touch him, and he smiles down at her for a moment before remembering he's on a call. "Sorry, got distracted. Did you need me for something? ... I can be there in five minutes."

A moment later, he bursts out laughing, and adds, "No, you _definitely_ don't need to Spectre me out of Alliance custody this time. ... Okay, I'll see you there."

She squints at him as he hangs up. "When did she get you out of Alliance custody?"

"Never, but she thought she might have to after what you said on the comm to her last time."

"Capturing a turian Cerberus operative probably would have gotten me promoted to _Major_ by now," she muses, getting off of him.

He stands, his mandibles drawing in what she thinks might, in this context, be a turian pout. "Hey, the Alliance and the Hierarchy are best friends now. I'm serving on an Alliance ship."

"I'd never actually do it," she objects.

He doesn't have far to go for his armor, and she watches as he swaps her hoodie for it. Half-dressed, he gives her a significant look. "Speaking of serving on an Alliance ship..."

Ashley shrugs. "I don't know if I'm coming back to the _Normandy_ ," she says. "Depends on where I'm assigned."

"Ash," he says gently. "You're a Spectre, and the same rank as Shepard. You can tell the Council _and_ the Alliance where to shove it."

"I _want_ to come back," she says, ignoring that suggestion. "But I need to talk to Shepard. _I_ wouldn't let me back if I was her. Today was just..."

" _I_ could talk to Shepard," he suggests.

She stands before she knows what she's doing, looking fiercely at him. "No. Don't you _ever_. Because then I'd spend the rest of my life wondering if I pretty much slept my way back onboard. And if anyone Alliance ever finds out, _everyone_ 's going to think that." Because the combination of her surname and his species wasn't bad enough.

Still holding the last arm piece of his armor, he comes over to her and kisses her cheek. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking," he says softly. "But for what it's worth, Shepard and Joker both know we're together, and you seem to have been promoted pretty rapidly regardless."

" _Too_ rapidly," Ashley mutters. The speed of her promotions since Horizon has outstripped her entire career.

"No," he says. "You were ready for it. You were _born_ ready. It's just taken the Alliance a while to notice."

"You're sweet," she says, cracking a smile despite herself.

He returns her smile, then takes her omni-tool arm. "If you don't come back to us, write me."

"I have Spectre comms now," she points out, bringing up her omni-tool. "No more sync allowances or self censorship. Well, until they revoke my Spectre status for killing a councilor."

He types his contact details into her omni-tool, then calls himself to get her comm address. "The second human Spectre, the woman who saved their lives? They wouldn't dare."

"I wouldn't put it past them."

Garrus headbutts her. "And people say _I'm_ cynical." Pulling away, he adds, "I'll call you after Shepard's done with me."

He heads for the door. She hesitates long enough for him to open it before saying, "Garrus, wait."

Turning back, he flares a mandible.

"I love you," she says, the first time she's said it out loud, even to herself.

The way he lights up is visual poetry, wide smile, spread mandibles, eyes as blue as Amaterasu's sky when she used to visit in the spring; Ashley is abruptly struck by the terrifying realization that she never wants to stop making him this happy. He all but bounds over to kiss her, brief but with both hands cupping her cheeks like she's something precious, then headbutts her, still smiling.

"I love you too," he says, delight sparking with excitement. " _I'm going_."

He sneaks in one last grin at her as her door closes, and she can't help but grin back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's Garrus Vakarian and that is now his favorite apartment on the Citadel.
> 
> Ashley's Spectre hoodie is [the ladies' Kaidan armor stripe hoodie from the Bioware store](http://www.biowarestore.com/ladies-kaidan-armour-stripe-hoody.html). Seriously, why is it called the Kaidan hoodie when he doesn't have the Spectre emblem on his armor? The only Spectre I can think of who wears the emblem is _Tela Vasir_.


	3. And who most cautious? For I would be more cautious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's a human Spectre! He's a turian Reaper Adviser! They fight crime!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: This chapter was the main delay in this fic.
> 
> I imagine the size of the scroll bar shows why. That was an accident.

She's still grinning when Admiral Hackett calls with a position for her on his team, commanding specialized quick response teams for covert ops.

It's a good offer. It's a better offer than she could have expected after coming off of medical leave to become the Council's bodyguard and then shooting the human councilor. It's the kind of offer that before the _Normandy_ , she wouldn't have even allowed herself to dream about. It's an offer her doctors would probably love her to take, because she's still healing and this would, for the most part, keep her off the front lines.

It's an _offer_ , not an _order_ , which feels incredibly strange after a lifetime of going where Personnel Command sent her even before she enlisted.

And she doesn't want it.

She plays the Spectre card, saying she'll have to check with the Council in case they have an assignment for her, which is true, but she doesn't want another Spectre assignment, either. Since the first _Normandy_ went down, she's wanted to be back on it; since falling in love with Garrus only months later, she's wanted to be back by his side. Only now do both those things tie neatly into wanting to help the war effort without working for the enemy.

Perhaps even better, she's finally starting to feel like she's worth what she wants. Or at least worth being with Garrus. Being back on the _Normandy_ is up to Shepard.

Apologizing for the mess of the Council situation and begging for a bunk isn't the kind of thing she can just leave to an e-mail or do over the comms. She texts Liara for the ship's docking bay, smirking when it turns out to be the same one she left from after the first _Normandy_ was destroyed, then changes back into her officer's uniform. Today proved that it's useless in a fight, but after spending so long thinking she'd never get her commission, the officer's jacket is both a confidence booster and a tacit _screw you_ to every official who ever held her back because of her grandfather.

The confidence is what she needs now. She heads out to the docking bay and leans on the railing in the gangway, looking up at the ship. It may be the _SSV Normandy_ again now that it's flying Alliance blue instead of Cerberus gold, but the SR-2 isn't quite home; she figured that out on the way to Mars. Everything's bigger, there are several extra rooms, the VI is an _A_ I, and she's not as familiar with the crew. Also, the crew salutes her first now, when on the SR-1 she'd been the one saluting everyone else. Yet in only a few hours, it felt more like home than Earth or even Amaterasu, the planets her family's lived on since she enlisted, where she only ever stayed for a week or so a year.

She's trying to decide whether saying that to Shepard would work or if she should just propose reasons having her onboard would be beneficial to Shepard when her omni-tool rings, and she smiles and picks it up when the screen reveals it's Garrus calling.

"Hey," she says. It feels a little inadequate a greeting for the first time they've called each other since the first _Normandy_ , let alone since they've said their "I love you"s.

" _Hey yourself,_ " says Garrus, affection warm in his subharmonic, and her smile widens.

"So," she says. "How mad was she?"

" _Pretty mad,_ " he says, though he doesn't sound at all upset about it. " _I'm grounded for a week unless she needs a sniper, and I'm on kitchen patrol. I didn't notice the kitchen_ had _a patrol._ "

Despite herself, Ashley snickers. "Ooh, you're peeling potatoes."

" _I don't even know what a potato is,_ " he says. She can hear laughter faint on his end of the line. " _But listen, I ran into my old C-Sec partner from two years ago, and she needs Spectre access for a case she's working on. Can you help out?_ "

"I knew it," she says. "You're only with me for my Spectre status."

Garrus splutters with disbelieving laughter. " _You know_ every _way that's wrong._ "

She grins. "Where are you?"

" _By the C-Sec outpost in the Commons,_ " he says, and she starts walking back to the lift. " _Knew I could count on you._ "

"You just didn't want to ask Shepard because she's mad at you," she says fondly.

" _Hm,_ " says Garrus, with only mock thoughtfulness. " _I need a favor from a Spectre. Should I ask the one who just grounded me, or the one who just said she loves me?_ "

"Don't you know any turian Spectres?"

" _Not_ personally."

"I know all the human Spectres," she brags, and as he laughs, she adds, "I'll be there soon."

" _Love you,_ " he says.

"Oh, no," she says. "Are we going to be _that_ couple?"

" _The couple who has two years of lost time to catch up on?_ "

Touché. "Love you too."

 

When she gets to the C-Sec outpost, Garrus is standing by a console making awkward small talk with a uniformed human woman. She'd been surprised he was willing to call her in as a favor to his old partner, considering how much he'd complained about her in his e-mails and their one text chat, and from the tension in his stance and her folded arms, it looks like they haven't forgotten their old partnership either. Good of him to help, then.

"Garrus," she says, and almost immediately his posture eases as he turns to look at her.

"Hey," he says, as she joins them at the console. "Ash, this is my old C-Sec partner from two years ago, Agent Jordan Noles. Jordan, this is my..." He trails off, and Ashley looks pointedly at him, wondering how he plans on finishing that sentence. "This is Commander Ashley Williams, Special Tactics and Recon."

"Ah," says Noles, smirking. "Photo girl."

Ashley raises an eyebrow at Garrus, who sighs. "I was really hoping you'd forgotten about that."

Noles grins at him, then offers Ashley a hand. "Pleasure to finally meet you."

"You too," says Ashley, shaking her hand. "I heard you saved this guy's life - thank you."

"Oh, he returned the favor before he quit," says Noles. "Did he tell you about my case?"

"Just that you needed Spectre access," she says.

"I'm after a saboteur who's using the old batarian diplomatic access codes to hack key systems," Noles explains. "I wouldn't normally hope for a Spectre to come along and save me, but I've hit a dead end, and this isn't something I could bullshit my way through even if I _was_ more like Vakarian over here."

Garrus scratches the side of his neck when Ashley glances at him, but declines to explain.

"If you use your Spectre access to track where the codes were used, I can shut them down."

"I can't believe they weren't shut down when they lost their embassy," says Ashley, shaking her head. "Alliance e-mail addresses for assignments deactivate the day after you ship out somewhere else. But sure, I'll see what I can dig up in the Spectre Office."

"Thank you," Noles says sincerely. "I'd really appreciate that."

"Just doing my job," she says, and brings up her omni-tool. "I'll call you if I find anything."

While Noles types her comm address into her contacts, Garrus says, "Mind if I do a ridealong, Noles? For old times' sake."

"As long as you're not using your preferred tactics for results, knock yourself out," says Noles.

They take their leave from her, and as they make their way to the elevator, Ashley says, "I have so many questions about that conversation."

"I thought you might," says Garrus. "Go."

"I'll go in order," she decides. "I'm your what, exactly?"

He glances sideways at her. "I don't know," he says. "I know what I _want_ you to be. But I also know that you won't want to have this discussion in public."

He's not wrong. Ashley nods, because she loves him more for coming to that conclusion and seeming to be okay with it. "Next question: 'Photo girl'?"

He groans. "Um, I had your photo in a frame on my desk for one afternoon, and she mocked me about it for a week."

It's embarrassing how delighted she is by the thought of him having her photo at work. "Why only an afternoon?" she asks, covering it up.

"Because she started mocking me about it," he says, audibly sulking.

She looks around, checking no one's listening, before saying, "You're cute."

He hums, mollified.

"But don't think that gets you off the hook for questions," she says. "Bullshitting your way through things, usual tactics?"

Looking away, Garrus scratches the side of his neck again. "You know I wasn't the most by the books cop."

"Yeah, I think I figured that one out when the first time I saw you was arguing with the Executor," she points out. It was a hell of a first impression. "Or when the second time I saw you was shooting someone in a hostage situation."

"Not my best moments," he agrees. "Well, that... wasn't the worst of it."

She glances sideways at him. "Garrus..."

"Before they saddled me with Noles to smack me over the head with the rule book, I used to do things like..." He mumbles something that sounds very much like "evidence tampering".

" _Garrus_ ," she says, making a face.

"I haven't done that in _years_ ," he says defensively. "I didn't tamper with my Valern vid today."

"You _better_ not have."

"If I was going to make up a Cerberus assassin, I would have given him a gun, not a sword."

Sarcasm in a serious situation _again_. Ashley presses her lips together. "No wonder C-Sec wouldn't give you a reference for Spectre candidacy."

"That's not who I am any more," he says, his voice low with frustration. "You said it yourself: We're different people now. I haven't cut corners like that in two years, never with anything in the war, and _never_ with you."

She shakes her head. "If I'd known back then..."

They might not be here like this now. Perhaps coming to the same conclusion, Garrus sighs. "Can we fresh start this and leave Reckless C-Sec Agent Garrus in the past with Ashley 'No Aliens on an Alliance Ship' Williams?"

Vakarian one, Williams zero. She takes a deep breath, lets it go, and calls the elevator. "Yeah, that's fair."

"Hey, mija," calls James of all people, heading towards her and Garrus with a large crate of groceries in his arms. "Is this guy bothering you?"

It sounds so much like they're on shore leave back on Eden Prime or Ontarom that she stares at him for a moment. "I can handle it, James."

He dumps his crate on the floor (to the protests of Cortez, coming up behind him with another box) and turns to Garrus. "Are you messing with Ash again?"

"I really don't see how that's any of your business," Garrus drawls.

"Hey, look," Cortez says just as James opens his mouth. "The elevator!"

They all pile inside, James retrieving his groceries. Ashley glances at Cortez, and without discussion they deliberately put themselves between James and Garrus after hitting their floors. She feels like she's fallen into a holonovela like the ones her abuela used to watch, albeit one with more aliens instead of the Earth-produced ones she favored.

"Shepard's not here to save your ass this time," James says conversationally.

"She did not 'save my ass'," says Garrus, in a dead on imitation of Councilor Sparatus. "And I'm still not seeing how _my_ relationships are _your_ business."

James steps closer.

"Your eggs," Cortez warns.

"They turned into my business when one of them turned out to be with my _friend_ ," says James, shifting the crate in his arms.

Ashley edges in front of Garrus and wills the elevator to go faster. "Your friend can take care of herself."

"You heard the lady," Cortez agrees.

"Shepard's my friend. Does that make you hitting on her my business?" Garrus inquires, ignoring them both.

"Shepard knows I don't mean anything by it," James says dismissively. "But you don't just hit on Ash: You've _hurt_ her, and it looked like she wasn't too happy with you on the Commons, either."

"And I am _handling_ it," she says. The elevator chimes for the Embassies, and she starts tugging Garrus out before the doors are even fully open. "This is us. See you, boys."

"Wait, Ash," says James, all aggression dropped. "You coming back to the _Normandy_?"

"I don't know," she says honestly. "But I'll text you, okay?"

"Bye, Commander," says Cortez.

She waves, but just before the elevator doors close, James points at his own eyes and then at Garrus.

Garrus sighs as they walk away. "I missed our chats in the elevator, but not like that. Why couldn't he just have asked who'd win in a fight?"

"Too soon," she says, and he winces. "Seriously, though, did you guys _both_ just get territorial over me?"

"He... might have figured out I'm the guy who stopped writing," he says gingerly. "And then almost beat me up in a sparring match."

She stares. "That is incredibly and inappropriately sweet of him," she says. "I am going to kick his ass if I come back."

"Warn me, so I can sell tickets."

"You're terrible," she says, but she laughs anyway.

"I'll donate half of it to the war effort," he protests.

"And the other half?"

"Shepard told me there's a new Widow model in Spectre requisitions," he says. "I'm saving up."

"It's _beautiful_ ," she says. "I want one so badly."

"We can share," he offers, and her smile's a little tentative, because sharing property like that depends on so much more than money.

"Okay," she says, as they reach the Spectre Office door. "I'll see what I can find."

Garrus takes up a post leaning on the wall. "I'll just stand here and glare at the office of the man we killed."

"Maybe not so loudly."

It takes her less time than she'd thought both to find the batarian diplomatic access codes in the restricted archives and to figure out how to track them on her omni-tool. She skims the Spectre inbox while she's at it, approving a few new requests, and then checks the requisitions terminal. While she definitely can't afford the Black Widow they both have their eye on, she _can_ get Garrus something smaller. He's done so much for her already - the beer for Joker that night they first kissed, the poem, the flowers, the book - and she's only ever gotten something for his mother, not for him.

When she emerges from the office, his gaze is still on Udina's office with his mandibles still drawn in disapproval, but he perks up at the sight of her. "How'd it go?"

"I have the places the codes were used highlighted on my omni-tool map," she says, and he nods. She passes him the Sniper Rifle Concentration Mod she just bought. "Here, I got you something."

Garrus blinks, examining it. "What's this for?"

"Your gun," she deadpans, and he rolls his eyes. "It's... an apology. For today. For everything."

"You don't need to -"

"I do," she says. "And besides, I have to keep you safe out there."

"That's why you'll be on my flank, watching my six." Despite his words, Garrus lifts the mod and presses it to his mouth plates, his eyes locked on hers, and she nods. He can give her a real thank you kiss later. "But thank you."

"Don't mention it," she says, starting to head off for the elevator. "Okay, looks like one of the codes was used in the hospital, and I have to take care of something there anyway, so we'll check out that one first."

 

She wasn't wrong about the hospitals being full: They're not only triaging, but _treating_ some of the easier cases in the atrium. She catches sight of Sarah bandaging a little asari girl, but Sarah can only nod back when she waves at her.

"Someone you know?" asks Garrus.

"That's Sarah."

He looks back over his shoulder at her, surprised. "She looks nothing like you."

"She takes after Dad's side of the family; I look more like Mom," she explains.

As they start queuing at reception, Garrus alternates between watching Sarah work and looking back at her.

"What?"

"You're prettier," he says.

She chuckles. With Lynn in the family, she never thought she'd see a day where _she_ was called the pretty one. "You're biased and have a weird idea of human beauty."

"I know human beauty!" he objects. "I've met a human woman who was genetically engineered to be perfect, _including_ her looks."

"And?"

"Humans are crazy," he says with a shrug.

" _Biased_ ," she repeats, grinning as she comes up to the front desk.

It's weird to be asking for something as dumb as rescheduling a makeup PT class when there are people more urgently injured around her, but it has to be done, and she's in the area.

"Courteously apologetic," says the receptionist, an elcor woman Ashley knows by face. "We need to switch you to the other class's schedule while we look for a new physiotherapist."

"What? Why isn't Sere Nuara teaching?"

At the sound of Thane's alias, Garrus turns towards the receptionist, and winces when she says, "With poorly hidden awkwardness: He passed away today."

"Oh," says Ashley, stunned. "Okay. Um... E-mail me my new schedule, please."

As they head further into the hospital, she brings up her omni-tool both to put her new PT schedule on her calendar and to pinpoint which department a batarian access code was used in. She's trying to concentrate on the tasks at hand, trying not to think about Thane's abrupt death, yet she still blurts out, "I was having coffee with Thane when the coup started."

"He saved Valern's life from that Cerberus assassin," Garrus says softly. "I saw him get stabbed."

That answers what friend he saw got hurt today. "I'd still be stuck in a wheelchair if it wasn't for him."

He gives her shoulder a quick squeeze. "He was a good man."

She nods. When she reaches for a computer terminal in lab services, her omni-tool flares the second her fingers hit the haptic interface, so she calls Noles, patching in Garrus in case he has any technical insights. "Agent Noles? Commander Williams here. Found where one of the codes was used."

" _Okay, I'll shut it down,_ " says Noles. " _Just need to authorize your Spectre status._ "

The request for use of her status comes up on her omni-tool, and Ashley approves it and waits for it to bounce through the Council systems. Garrus bumps his hip against hers, and she shifts aside for him to have a look.

His typing produces a twelve row table on the screen with an unfamiliar symbol and what looks like bed numbers in the first column and similar times in another. Garrus startles, his mandibles drawing together, a second before Noles says, " _Someone used this to cut off power to a dozen life support machines in the hospital. Okay, that access code is officially disabled. Can you find any more?_ "

"We'll keep looking," says Garrus, and they hang up.

"You okay?" she asks on their way out. "You seemed madder about the life support than I was."

"We took Mom off life support," he says, his voice tight. "And that was a choice we made together. Twelve families here had that choice - the _chance_ of their loved one living - ripped away from them."

"I know," she says. "That's why we have to stop them."

He nods, and as they get into the elevator, he says, "She didn't recognize me by the end. She thought Sol was a nurse, and she thought Dad was _his_ dad. It was like we lost her before she died, and we were left with this stranger who looked like her."

"I'm sorry."

She headbutts him. Her father had had a heart attack, with no genetic predisposition for it. It was sudden. The 212, Kaidan, Shepard and the crew, and now Thane; every death that's hurt her was sudden. She doesn't know what it's like to lose someone gradually. But she does know what it's like to lose a parent. She wants to tell him that his mother at her most loving will live on in his memory as much as her as a stranger; that he'll carry this for the rest of his life the way she carries her father's death; that despite what everyone tells you at funerals, it won't get better, just more familiar.

She's trying to find the words for it, whether someone else's or her own, when he closes his eyes, a shudder wracking his body. His only reactions to Shepard's death until she'd outright asked him about it were to go quiet, only talking practicalities and very rarely starting those conversations, and to resist receiving physical contact to the point where he flinched away from a well-meaning Alliance officer at one spaceport. For all she knows, this could well be the first time he's expressed his grief.

The doors open on the _Normandy_ 's docking bay, and she pulls away with a quiet apology.

"It's fine," he says, though she's not entirely convinced that it is. "Where was the next code used?"

"In here."

He trails her into the passenger lounge, murmuring, "This is where I found out that Wrex knew about us."

Her jaw drops. " _How_?"

"Tali figured it out and told him," he says, and Ashley covers her face in retrospective embarrassment. "And apparently the sexual tension was obvious to _everyone_."

"I was trying so hard to hide it," she says. And she's still trying.

"So was I," he says, examining the nearby vending machine. "But it was a pretty small ship. Should be easier on the SR-2: There's more rooms with locked doors."

" _If_ Shepard lets me back."

She touches the terminal before he can answer, the tracking app on her omni-tool activating in acknowledgment. "Agent Noles? Found another one."

While her Spectre code is authorized, she lets Garrus have a poke at the computer. "Remote navigation codes," he murmurs after a moment. "Used last week."

Noles swears. " _That crash at the docks. We thought it was an accident._ "

Ashley inhales sharply. "I saw that on the news vids. What was it, a hundred Alliance soldiers?"

" _A hundred and seventeen,_ " Noles corrects her. " _All human... just like the patients at the hospital._ "

"Batarian access codes and a grudge against humans," says Garrus. "Hm, I _wonder_."

" _Don't go haring off on a hunch, Vakarian, photo girl's doing better work than you usually did,_ " Noles says dryly, and Ashley laughs at his flared mandibles. " _Okay, this code's offline too. Should be just one more._ "

"Williams and Vakarian out."

Garrus hums in approval as they leave. "'Williams and Vakarian'. I like the sound of that."

"Now _this_ is a buddy cop movie," she says, gesturing between them. "She's a human Spectre! He's a turian Reaper Adviser! They fight crime!"

He bursts out laughing, and eventually manages to get out, "We need to pitch that to someone after the war. It could be the first action biopic romantic comedy."

Even if she makes it through the war, she's not sure she could handle a biopic about their relationship, but the odds of it happening are so low that she decides not to point this out. "What 'action'?" she says instead, grinning as they get into the elevator. "We're walking around the Citadel."

"The movie version would have us _running_ around the Citadel and jumping over crates for no reason," he says, unperturbed, and when she hits the button for the docks' holding area, he adds, "Oh, goodie, we can have a chase scene through the refugees."

She snickers. "No chase scenes, but I'll show you something cool when we get there."

Garrus tilts his head, curious. " _This_ , I have to see."

She's not even sure if she can pull this off. She hasn't done it in years. But when the elevator doors open to a relatively clear hallway, she turns sideways, lifts her hands, and cartwheels out of the elevator, to a gratifying whoop and applause from him.

"I do my own stunts," she proclaims, even as the insides of her thighs burn from the unfamiliar strain.

"That was the weirdest thing I've ever seen," he says, sounding no less approving.

"In a galaxy that used to have the Thorian?"

"I didn't see the Thorian," he reminds her. "That was you and Kaidan. But it was definitely weirder than the Rachni Queen."

"I can't believe you," she says. "I spent _days_ teaching myself and then my sisters how to cartwheel."

"I didn't say it was _bad_ ," he protests, and his mandibles twitch. "It certainly showed off your flexibility."

"I'm not even going to answer that," she says, only making him chuckle. She glances around for a subject change. "Hey, do you need to go help the refugees? They kept you so busy before..."

"Part of what kept me busy before was setting up processes and training a team to keep everything going without me," he says. "They should be fine by now, and hopefully we'll have fewer coming in now that we've got the krogan coming to Menae, but I'll check in on them once we're done with the batarians."

"You know, I agree with you," she says, and at his questioning head tilt, she adds, "That it's probably batarians. What is it everyone says on cop shows? They've got motive."

"One of the rare things those cop shows get right." He waves at cargo hold A as they pass, getting a few waves and greetings in return, but no actual requests for aid. "Looks like Tacita has things under control."

"You did good work there," she says. "I kept telling myself that in hospital, but it's nice to see it."

His mandibles flick wider. "Thanks," he says. "It never feels like enough, though."

"Better not enough than nothing," she says, thinking about her time in hospital.

"You weren't doing nothing," he says, brushing his hand down her arm. "You were getting better so you can do some good _now_."

She smiles, and touches the terminal at the end of the docking bay. When her omni-tool confirms it, she calls Noles. "Hey - this is where that last code was used."

" _What's that, Commander?_ " asks Noles, the call fading.

Frowning, Garrus pokes at his omni-tool in an attempt to improve the signal. As Ashley adjusts her ear piece in case it helps, a safety clicks off a gun behind her, and she feels cold steel on the back of her head. She flinches on instinct, the metal reminding her body of the shuttle, but unlike the shuttle the pressure of the gun remains in one small place. With one fluid motion, Garrus whirls around and draws his assault rifle.

"Try it, and she dies," snarls a somewhat familiar sounding batarian voice behind her.

Garrus starts growling, snarling syllables in his subvocal that don't translate but sound harsher than whatever he'd mumbled to her the last time they slept together.

"Give me your thermal clips," says the batarian, and almost immediately Garrus ejects them from his gun. "From the sniper rifle too. Take them out and hand them over. And don't even think about using your omni-tool."

"Balak," she finally places the voice. At least, she _thinks_ that was the name of the lead batarian terrorist on X57.

"Williams," Balak says, which she's momentarily surprised by before remembering her Spectre induction was in the news vids. "You, Shepard, and that human biotic should have killed me on that asteroid over Terra Nova."

She swallows. Stopping that terrorist attack had been one of her last missions with Kaidan before Virmire. She'd agreed with Shepard afterwards that saving the hostages was the right move, but that doesn't make her feel any better being held hostage herself two years later. "Damn right, we should have."

"I hope those human lives were worth the start of the end for my people," he says. "Everything that's happened to us since is your fault!"

"Hey, screw you," she snaps. "I had nothing to do with the destruction of the Bahak system."

The pistol presses into her head. She makes eye contact with Garrus, wondering if he could override her shield generator to activate this close, then realizes that Balak would see his movement.

" _Before_ that," Balak bites back. "Have you ever heard of the Leviathan of Dis?"

It sounds only vaguely familiar, like a vid or something she watched a long time ago. Garrus is the one to place it: "The organic ship your propaganda's been pretending doesn't exist."

"A Reaper," Ashley murmurs, because what other organic ships are there?

"Exactly," says Balak. "Destroying Terra Nova would have been the first step towards reclaiming our power in the galaxy, but when you stopped us, my government turned to the Leviathan instead. Our top scientists were enlisted by the hundreds."

"You put your scientists on a Reaper, and they were indoctrinated," Garrus surmises. She's pretty sure his subharmonic's insulting.

"They betrayed us when the Reapers reached Khar'shan," Balak confirms. "Deactivating defense grids, firing on allies. We were destroyed from within... because of you."

"You're always playing the blame game, aren't you," she says, not bothering to make it a question. "Terra Nova was supposed to be revenge for the Skyllian Blitz, wasn't it? And now you're blaming me for your people getting indoctrinated. It's like you have the opposite of survivor's guilt."

"Why should _I_ feel guilty for what the Reapers did to us?" Balak demands.

Garrus meets her eyes, silently questioning what she's doing, and she's right there with him, really. She's even less sure she can manage this than she was about the cartwheel. She doesn't have Shepard's gift of persuasion or even her reputation. All she has is desperation and an inability to keep her mouth shut. If she can keep him talking, maybe a distraction will present itself and she and Garrus can take him down.

"That's not the question you should be asking," she says. "The question is, how are you going to save your people?"

"I _can't_ save them," Balak hisses. "I am the highest ranked military officer left in the Hegemony, and I am _trapped_ here. Our warships only know the locations of Reaper forces because I've tapped Council transmissions."

 _Ah_. She doesn't just have desperation: She also has a deep understanding of what it feels like to be useless.

And he has ships.

There's her way out. If she can pull this off. If he agrees.

"Oh, please, you haven't just been using the old codes to tap transmissions; you've been sabotaging humans, too," says Garrus. "How does _that_ help?"

"Weaken the humans, and the Reapers can wipe them out sooner," he says, which doesn't make sense when he's not taking out nearly as many people as he would have on Terra Nova, but she took on playing bodyguard to the Council just to feel like she was doing something. "And now, I'm going to end one of the human Spectres."

It would be a quick death, quicker than the minute of blinding agony that was being slammed against the shuttle before she blacked out. It would probably even redeem her grandfather's name. Redemption and one of humanity's two Spectres; it has all the makings of a coup for recruitment.

She has the feeling Balak hasn't thought his plan through to that last part.

"You'll make me a martyr," she whispers.

"What?"

"You kill me, and humanity loses a symbol," she says. "You know what happened when the _first_ human Spectre died? The Alliance used her image in marketing, and recruitment _soared_."

Garrus twitches one mandible, understanding and almost amused. "You kill the second, and humans will sign up wanting batarian blood as well as the Reapers'. With the Turian Hierarchy's Reaper Adviser as your witness, I'll definitely encourage turian signups, too. _For Williams._ "

"Not on my watch," says Noles, suddenly on her other side. "Drop the gun."

Almost immediately, Garrus tackles Balak. The gun goes off, but her shields don't even activate, and she hears both the crunch of a bullet embedding itself in the wall and the gun clattering onto the floor. In the time it takes for Ashley to turn around, Balak ends up on the floor with several kilos of furious and heavily armored turian sitting on top of him and bare claws at his throat.

Noles gets to her feet, holding both her own C-Sec gun and the one Balak dropped. " _Don't_ you kill him, Garrus, we need to take him in!"

"He's your saboteur!" Garrus yells. "He would have killed Ash!"

" _Both_ of you stand down!" Ashley demands. Noles lowers her gun, but Garrus doesn't move. "Garrus, _talons_."

He meets her eyes, one of his mandibles wavering, and then yanks his hand back from Balak's neck.

Balak glares at her with all four of his eyes, probably partially because Garrus is still pinning him to the floor. "Let him get it over with, human, or you'll regret it."

It's tempting. She's actually already regretting it. But she has to at least _try_ this. She crouches down to get a better look at him. "I don't think so," she says. "I'm going to make him get off you. And then _you're_ going to go to the Council and tell them that you're signing up the batarians with their fleets, so long as they can help you feed your people or whatever it is you need for them."

"You toss me the Council's scraps?"

"I'm tossing you _salvation_ , and revenge against your real downfall," she retorts. "Unless you'd rather be dead, or in jail, with _no one_ looking out for your people."

For a long moment, Balak simply stares at her, the hatred on his face probably mirroring her own, until he finally turns to Garrus. "Move."

"Do we have a deal?" she asks.

Balak jerks his head to the left, and it's only then that Garrus stands.

"That's a sign of respect for batarians," he murmurs, moving protectively in front of her nonetheless.

Growling in defeat, Balak gets to his feet and stalks off. "Our ships are yours," he tosses over his shoulder.

Ashley watches him go for only a moment before she starts to touch the back of her head, paranoid after Mars that he'll have somehow screwed her up again. Garrus turns around and pulls her into a tight hug, his talons soothing over where Balak had the gun, and even out here in the docks in front of Noles and with several refugees, C-Sec officers, and aid workers around, she doesn't have the heart to push him away.

"You should have let me kill him," he growls. She can hear the desperate relief in his subharmonic, and she's grateful that he doesn't offer to kill him now, that he understands why she made that call for the war effort.

"It's not too late to arrest him," Noles offers.

Garrus sneaks a kiss onto the top of her head before stepping away from her to pick up his gauntlet. Reluctantly, Ashley shakes her head. "Spectre authority: He walks. But you can arrest him if he doesn't walk straight to the Council offices."

"Understood, Commander," says Noles. "Sorry I didn't get here sooner. Are you alright?"

She's anything but alright. She's tired. She's angry at Balak, and angrier at herself for letting him go. She misses Kaidan, who could have either talked or bioticed his way out of that quicker than she managed. She's frustrated that Thane didn't teach her some swift assassin's way of disarming someone behind you before he died. She finds it hugely unfair that Shepard, who made the call to let this guy go and then destroyed the Bahak system two years later, wasn't the one on the end of Balak's gun. She's annoyed at Garrus for the public displays of affection. Despite that, she wants him to hold her for a very long time in some batarian-free room. (She's embarrassed about that last one.)

"I'm okay," she says. She glances down to Balak's pistol in Noles' hand, and remembers something. "Can you give Garrus the thermal clips from that gun? That batarian asshole made him hand his over."

"Sure." Noles ejects the clips and passes them to her old partner, then says, "Never thought I'd work with you again after you quit without notice. Thanks for the help, Garrus, Commander."

As Noles walks off and Garrus reloads his guns, Ashley gives one last touch to the back of her head before saying wearily, "Let's go check on your refugees."

"No," says Garrus, and she stares at him, surprised. "They're fine. But we need to talk somewhere private, because that's _twice_ today that I could have lost you, and I wouldn't have known what to call you if anyone asked about it."

"Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams," she says, though she knows exactly what he means.

"My _what_?" he asks. "Come on. Let's go home."

That word again. "Where's home?"

"The _Normandy_ ," he says, as if this should be obvious.

"I'm not stepping foot on that ship without Shepard's permission," she says.

"The gangway, then," he says. "I'll get EDI to warn me if anyone's coming, and if Shepard's not back by now, you can ambush her to ask if you can come back."

Ambushing her had been her original plan anyway. She nods, and together they walk back to the elevator.

"I'm proud of you for getting that bastard on our side," he says, once the doors close without any other passengers. "Though I didn't know you had diplomatic authority."

"I don't, not for the Alliance, anyway," she admits. "That may have been toeing the line of Spectre authority. But I don't think the Council will turn him down. They haven't seen how... pleasant he can be." She sighs. "I really wish I'd let you kill him."

"We could go after him."

"No," she says. "I just made his death useful."

Garrus stares at her, and then smiles thinly. "You recruited him and his fleet as cannon fodder."

"How could you say that?" she says, with barely faked innocence. "I don't have authority over where to send our allies."

"You are _vicious_ ," he says, an alarming note of approval in his voice.

"I have 'aggressive instincts'," she corrects him wryly, quoting her old DI's evaluations of her.

"Yes, you do."

They make their way into the gangway. Garrus taps a few commands into his omni-tool, then looks up at her. "Okay, we'll be warned if anyone comes into the airlock or if anyone _Normandy_ hits this dock in the elevator."

Almost immediately the tension she's been carrying since they met up again at the C-Sec outpost melts away, and she feels pathetic for it. _One day I'm going to get tired of being your dirty little secret,_ he'd said in the 800 blocks. It's a miracle he hasn't yet. "Thanks."

"So," he says, fidgeting with his talons. "What are we? Or - what do you want us to be? Because I want to be with you, and I haven't heard a 'we can't' today."

Today's the first time she's even allowed herself to think they could be anything at all, so she has to think for a moment before saying, "I want to be with you too, but there are two answers for what I want to call it," because the second one is a little scary.

"Let's hear them both."

"Easy answer's girlfriend and boyfriend," she says. "Real answer, that's gonna hurt more if I can't come back, is partners."

He pauses. "I don't think that second one translated properly," he says. "What does it mean to you?"

"More serious than girlfriend and boyfriend, but not yet engaged," she says. "Equals, who do things together, big or small, not just the fun or easy stuff. What about you?"

"Oh, closer to -" He gives a turian term that her translator ignores. "It's a business word for us. Me and Noles. Lawyers running a firm. Two companies with a joint venture."

"Okay, we'll save that one for the buddy cop movie," she says, getting a chuckle. "What do _you_ want to call it?"

Unlike hers, his answer is immediate, making her wonder how long he's been thinking about this, wanting it. "The understatement of an answer is boyfriend and girlfriend. The real one is mates."

"I _know_ that second one didn't translate properly," she says. "It's platonic in English, when you use it for people."

Garrus shakes his head. "No, that's way off. It's... like being married, but with less emphasis on the ceremony and legal privileges and more on... forever. Love. Family."

It's probably a very simplified answer, and Ashley makes a mental note to look it up later, but a large part of her wants that too. Of course, a larger part is scared to want it, scared that he wants it. "Soulmates."

"I'm starting to think we should just go with 'cultural exchange partners'," he says wryly, and she laughs despite herself.

Ashley considers, then decides to think out loud. "We don't even know yet if we're going to be long distance or not," she says. "And we've been apart for so long that we're both different people now - what if we get to know each other again and we don't like what we find of who we are _now_ , not just who we used to be?"

"From what I've found out about you so far today, I like your flexibility and aggressive instincts."

"But I have things I'd like to leave in the past too," she points out. "I guess what I'm trying to say is... I know we've been waiting for over two years, but maybe we should take it slow. Start small. _Finally_ be girlfriend and boyfriend and go up from there."

He tilts his head in thought, then nods. "That works for me. I don't know what the human protocol is for becoming someone's girlfriend, but turians becoming boyfriends tend to..."

Headbutt, apparently. Ashley enjoys it for a moment, enjoys his talons in her hair, and then says, "I thought headbutts could be platonic or familial too," and tilts her head to kiss him, slow and thorough.

" _That's_ human protocol for starting a relationship," she says, once they break the kiss and rest their foreheads together again.

"I feel like we started a long time ago," he says, his mandibles twitching.

So does she, to be honest. "For making it official, whatever." She pauses, realizing something. "You know, if Shepard lets me back, we can't tell anyone."

"I really doubt anyone is going to think you slept your way onto the _Normandy_ ," he says, brushing her hair back from her face. "But whatever you're comfortable with."

"I'll tell Shepard," she caveats. Shepard isn't the type to tattle, especially at a time like this, and considering she took Liara out in squads against the geth after the Battle of the Citadel, she _might_ still put her and Garrus in squads together. Either way, Ashley would rather have her know.

"And please tell James while you're kicking his ass, so he doesn't try to kick mine."

"You can take him," she says, unconcerned. "Pull out some of those Hierarchy moves."

He rolls his eyes, then blinks as his omni-tool lights up. "Ah," he says. "That's EDI telling me Shepard's on her way down the elevator. Are you _sure_ you don't want backup?"

"Positive," she says. "But thanks."

"Alright," he says, and kisses her cheek. "Good luck."

"Luck is for the lonely," she says. "And I'm not lonely any more."

He smiles. "No, you certainly aren't. Love you."

"Love you too," she calls, as he starts heading into the _Normandy_ 's airlock, and he turns around and grins at her.

Thanks to the slow Citadel elevators, she has time to check her omni-tool while waiting for Shepard. And just as well, because it turns out she didn't notice the notification for a text message from Noles. Raising an eyebrow, Ashley opens it up.

` Garrus and I didn't get along very well as partners, but he was always happiest on the days he got an e-mail from you. I'm glad you two found each other. Thanks for helping with my case, and good luck with the batarians. Jordan `

The note about Garrus is as unexpected as it is sweet, both that Noles - _Jordan_ \- thought of them, and that her e-mails made Garrus happy enough for someone else to not only notice but remember it two years later. She smiles, and texts back, ` Thanks. Feel free to call next time you need Spectre help on a case. Ash`

She's putting her omni-tool back in sleep mode when Shepard enters the gangway. Garrus hadn't mentioned that she looks not only tired, but like she's carrying sadness deep in her bones.

"Ash," Shepard says, sounding like she expected her.

 _Ash_ , not 'Williams' or a title. Good start. "Hey, Shepard," she says, and then decides not to waste time. Talking to Garrus about this first gave her a chance to go over it with someone who has her back. "I'm sorry for what happened today."

Shepard studies her for a moment, then says, "I'm not sure I'm the one you should be apologizing to."

"I already apologized to Garrus," she says, and is immediately discomfited by the interested look Shepard gives her. She presses on. "But I need to apologize to you too. For not trusting you. For pointing a gun at you. For ignoring you when I _know_ you're the one who calls the shots. For putting you in the position where one of your subordinates disobeyed your orders on an important mission."

Shepard sighs. "Don't apologize for him."

"You can't stop me," Ashley says mildly. "You and I both know that if it was any other Council guard or Spectre up there, Garrus would have let you handle it."

"And if I'd brought James or Javik instead of Garrus, you would have remembered who's in charge."

She nods, because there's no denying it. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," says Shepard, reaching out and squeezing her shoulder. "I'm just glad you two worked it out. We're all on the same side here."

For the second time today, Ashley's amazed by how easily the two living people she owes her life can forgive her, when she tends to hold grudges. But she's too grateful to question it.

"Speaking of that," she says. "I'd like to fight on the same side again - _at_ your side, not just both against Cerberus and the Reapers but on separate missions. With your permission, I want to ride this thing out aboard the _Normandy_."

"Permission granted," says Shepard, more readily than Ashley could have ever imagined. "Good to have you back, Ash. From the moment I found out you'd been assigned to my command after Eden Prime, I couldn't imagine fighting this war without you."

Ashley blinks, then narrows her eyes curiously. "Shepard, I'm flattered -"

"Not like that," Shepard says quickly, raising a hand to stop her from going on. "I just meant... This was your fight before it was mine, and I think people forget that because Kaidan and I were the dumbasses who decided poking the beacon was a good idea. I missed you last year, against the Collectors."

"I missed you too," she says quietly. She missed everyone, even though she was too hurt that they were working with Cerberus to say it. Once Garrus had cleared up his own motivations, it killed her that she couldn't go with them.

"But you're back now, LC," Shepard says with a smile. "I'll start on the paperwork, since I know you'll want to do this officially instead of Spectreing onboard, and you go pack. I can't believe you actually have an apartment in Spectre quarters."

"We didn't all get our own ship when we got appointed Spectre," Ashley points out.

"Yeah, but you have your own apartment there. You know it's more like a Spectre motel, right? _Saren_ could have used your apartment."

"Ew, no," she says. "I got an asari apartment. Smaller bed, levo groceries, upholstery that isn't made to withstand talons."

"How would you know what the upholstery's made to withstand? Have you been -" Shepard stops herself. "Actually, I don't want to know."

Ashley smiles sweetly at her, and makes a mental note to test it next time they're on the Citadel.

"Get out of here before I change my mind," Shepard says, grinning. "We're starting pre-flight checks in half an hour, Galactic Standard."

She'd been too distrusting and resentful on the way to Mars to salute her, and she wasn't sure in hospital if she was under her command or not. For the first time since Shepard's death, Ashley salutes her - her commanding officer. "Aye aye, skipper."

Shepard steps into the airlock, leaving her alone in the gangway, and Ashley breaks into a smile. She hadn't for a moment expected her to say 'yes'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> March 12th 2017 update: Their hug on the docks is now [illustrated](http://pohutukaryl.tumblr.com/post/158286987826/garrus-turns-around-and-pulls-ashley-into-a)! Go show the artist some Tumblr love and if you're in the market for art commissions, I highly recommend her.


	4. And who has been happiest? O I think it is I! I think no one was ever happier than I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Before the war, I used to look up at night from my garrisons and wish I could serve on a ship. Not even once did I think it would actually happen."

"What do you mean, you're shipping out?"

Ashley can't stop smiling, hasn't stopped smiling since Shepard said she could come back. She'll be back out on active duty in _space_ , and for the first time, she gets to have a relationship with Garrus in person. "I'm redeploying on the _Normandy_ , and we're leaving in -" She glances up at the time. "Fifty-five galactic minutes."

"You're ditching me," Sarah says flatly.

Her smile finally falters, and Ashley reaches forward to hug her sister. "Sar, that's not why -"

"But that's what it _feels_ like," she snaps, shoving her away. "You're a Spectre; I know you can tell Personnel Command to shove it now!"

"Actually, I pretty much did," says Ashley. "I was offered a position with Hackett, too. So either way, I would have been leaving."

"Why the _Normandy_?" Sarah demands, folding her arms. "Why the ship that drops into active combat alongside all the diplomacy on the vids - why not some command job, like your title says?"

She pauses. Sarah has never before been gunshy about her going into combat, knowing it's what she loves and is good at. "You're asking why I didn't take a desk job?"

" _Yes!_ I _know_ you still have PT left -"

"Not _much_ ," Ashley says. "Hey, if the doctors hadn't cleared me, the Council wouldn't have put me on guard duty."

"Damn it, Ash, I've already lost Thomas to this stupid war!" Sarah cries, and everything suddenly makes sense. "I _almost_ lost you, and I could still lose Mom and Lynn and Abby because you told them to move -"

Ashley slaps her.

Sarah's hand flies up to her cheek, and for a moment they simply stare at each other, Ashley both speechless with fury and appalled by herself.

"I didn't mean that," says Sarah, her voice small.

"But you've thought it," Ashley replies, her hands shaking at her sides. "I beat myself up about it every single day. And I am leaving to _do something about it_ , to find a way to take back Earth and end the Reapers once and for all, so that no one else has to lose someone to this war."

"Ash," she says. "I'm sorry -"

"You've been having to stay strong with Thomas gone and Mom, Abby, and Lynn still not here yet and you've still started volunteering at Huerta half-trained. I understand that sometimes you can't keep smiling through it all - believe me, I get it," she says, thinking of an evening on the first _Normandy_ deliberately across the cargo bay from the guns. "But I've just had a really rough day, and I didn't really need my sister making it worse."

"What happened?"

The Council wouldn't appreciate her blurting out a Councilor's betrayal and subsequent death in the lobby of a hospital, and she's not about to say 'a batarian almost shot me' here too. "It's a long story; I'll vidmail you about it from the ship. I'm - I'm just gonna go," she says. Sarah was right, at least, about the _Normandy_ dropping into active combat zones; she can't let an argument be the possible last thing she says to her sister. She takes a deep breath, then lets it go. "Let me know when you get Thomas' memorial set up, or if you need any strings pulled. I'll find a way back. I love you."

As she goes to leave, Sarah says, "Wait."

Ashley turns back around, and simply raises an eyebrow.

To her surprise, Sarah comes forward and hugs her, so tightly that her sides start to ache even with the painkillers and the medi-gel's anaesthetic, but Ashley doesn't complain, just hugs her back.

"I'm sorry for what I said," Sarah whispers.

"I'm sorry for hitting you."

"No, I was a bitch, I kind of deserved that," says Sarah. "And I was a bitch on top of your shitty day."

"It hasn't been _all_ bad," Ashley admits. Her gaze flicks around, checking no one's listening, before she says, "I got a boyfriend out of it."

Sarah pulls back, her eyes wide and her hands still on Ashley's shoulders. "Shut _up_!" she exclaims, delighted. Good old Sarah, still happy for her finding a man even when she's lost her own. "How does that even work on a rough day - what's he like?"

"It works because we've been in love with each other for the last two years," Ashley says, feeling the smile sneaking back onto her face, because _he still loves her_. "And he's a badass Reaper Adviser with these beautiful blue eyes and the most loyal heart." _So loyal he was willing to die for you,_ she doesn't add.

"Two years, and you didn't bring him to my wedding?" Sarah says, looking slightly offended.

Ashley opens her mouth, but then a salarian voice calls out, "Taualii!"

"Some of these aliens just can't get the hang of hyphenated surnames," says Sarah, with a shake of her head. "I've gotta run, but tell me about him in a vidmail, okay? And seriously, I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she says, reaching forward for one last hug. "I'll let you know when we come back to the Citadel - they were coming back fairly regularly when I was in hospital."

"Love you," says Sarah, and then she's heading over to a salarian charge nurse.

Ashley takes a moment to breathe. She's two for two today, almost shooting the man she loves and then slapping her sister, and Sarah's just confirmed one of her worst fears, that her family resents her, even subconsciously, for how wrong her attempt to keep them safe went. That one will take time to heal. But they seem to have ended on an okay note.

 

Tevos calls her while she's back at the pharmacy, her holo popping up from her omni-tool.

" _Commander Williams,_ " says Tevos. " _Do you know a Batarian External Forces Captain named Ka'hairal Balak?_ "

Well, she certainly didn't know his rank or first name. "Yes. If he's dropping my name, I _was_ the one who sent him." She pauses. "It's okay that I sent him, right?"

" _Somewhat unorthodox, but definitely... okay,_ " says Tevos. The word 'okay' sounds weird coming from her; whatever word in standard asari she's using, she hasn't used it with her before. " _We're not in a position to turn down help, no matter the source. I'll let Admiral Hackett know you brought them onboard._ "

Ashley hesitates, then says, "Thank you." It hadn't occurred to her until now that she'd get the credit for it. Making an alliance with batarians is not going to look great under her surname, but she's not about to explain this to her alien boss.

" _Now, regarding a different matter, can you meet us in Udina's office as soon as you can?_ "

"I can be there in five minutes, but..." She pauses. How exactly does a Spectre tell the Citadel Council they've made their own plans? Apparently the silence is long enough for Tevos to raise one ancient eyebrow, so she decides to just go for it. "I'm shipping out on the _Normandy_ in forty-five minutes, and I need to go pack."

Pressing her lips together in a thin line, Tevos looks sideways. Ashley can only guess that she's got the rest of the Council with her, but only Tevos has deigned to turn her camera on. " _I see. That... renders the meeting unnecessary._ "

She only asks because she's sure: "You were calling me in to fire me, weren't you?"

" _No,_ " Tevos says simply. " _Only to let you know in person that you would be reassigned when an opportunity presents itself. But it appears you have found your own opportunity._ "

Sounds like they were beaching her. And she can't blame them, after she was one of the people who worked with Udina the most and yet she still didn't see the coup coming. Ashley sighs, and tucks her hair back behind her ear. She's apologized to half her loved ones today; she might as well explain herself to her superiors.

And if they don't like it, Shepard's hung up on them, died, and worked with Cerberus yet she's still a Spectre.

"With all due respect, Madame Councilor, I didn't accept Spectre status to be a bodyguard," she says. "I wanted to do some good in the galaxy, to find a place in this war. And I think today proves that that place isn't on the Citadel, no matter how many batarians I just signed up. My Medal of Honor proves that it's on the _Normandy_."

" _I must admit, when Udina suggested we keep you around on the Citadel for our protection while your injuries healed, I disagreed._ " Ashley furrows her brow, and Tevos adds, " _I thought it was a waste of your talents._ "

"Oh," says Ashley, surprised. "Um, thank you."

Tevos inclines her head in reply. " _We are upholding your Spectre status, Williams. May the Goddess be with you on the_ Normandy."

It's the first time that she's called her Williams on its own; besides her full name in her induction ceremony, it's always been 'Commander Williams' or 'Commander'. Ashley's too stunned to reply, and Tevos cuts the call a moment later anyway.

The pharmacy kiosk beeps at her for inactivity, and she hurriedly finishes up her purchase, paying for it herself this time because there's no way to justify this on her Spectre expense reports. When she picks it up, Ashley suddenly realizes that Garrus didn't once mention the asari councilor while they were making out in her Spectre apartment, and smiles.

 

`Transfer's approved,` Shepard texts her. `Where are you? Can't tell whether Garrus is going to explode from impatience or excitement.` There's a pause, and then a follow up text: `Or my biotics when it stops being cute.`

`Finishing up packing,` Ashley replies. Garrus texting her every few minutes isn't helping. `Give him something to calibrate.`

`Those apartments are tiny,` says Shepard, which Ashley finds rich coming from someone who's never had one. `How much can you really have in there to pack?`

She gets two words into a text back before Hackett calls her. Bracing herself, she picks up the call. "Williams."

" _Commander, I didn't know the Council was in the habit of assigning Spectres to specific ships,_ " he says dryly.

"They're not, sir. I asked Shepard if I could come back." She pauses, wondering how to put this without getting disciplined for it. "I'm sorry to refuse your offer, but... I'm infantry. I need to be out there in a fight myself, not overseeing things from afar."

" _For what it's worth, I think you'd have done a fine job,_ " says Hackett. " _And judging by your getting the batarians onboard, you're not_ just _useful in a fight._ "

"That's... a long story." More like an embarrassing one.

" _You'll have to tell me some time when I'm not so busy._ " He taps on his omni-tool, and her own flashes with a new e-mail from him. " _I'm granting you full diplomatic authority, so you don't have to go through the Council for things like this. Good luck on the_ Normandy."

"Thank you, sir." She pauses, unsure whether to bring this up, and makes herself do it when Hackett reaches again for his omni-tool. "Can I make a personal request?"

" _Speak freely, Williams._ "

"I'm sure you heard about Thomas," she says, and the dip of his gaze tells her what she needs to know before he nods. "Sarah's putting together something for the memorial wall in the Citadel docks. It would mean a lot to her - to us - if you could be there."

" _I can't make any promises,_ " he warns her. " _But let me know when you've got a date and time, and I'll try._ "

It's more than she expected, really. "I'll pass it on. That's all, sir."

" _Keep me posted, Williams. I'd rather find out what you're up to from you than from the Council or transfer requests. Hackett out._ "

 

` Did you forget where we're docked? `

His texts have been getting alternately drier and whinier. At least this one is the first in several minutes. Ashley chuckles to herself in the airlock, but doesn't reply. Garrus will find out soon enough anyway. Instead, she heads to the bridge once she's decontaminated, and opens her duffle before announcing, "Got a present for you."

"Commander Williams!" Joker exclaims, spinning his chair around to take the bottle she's holding out. "Once again, it is not my - what the?"

"TM88 Peruvian whiskey," she says unnecessarily, as he reads the label himself.

"That Lieutenant Commander salary must be _something_ ," he says. "What's the occasion?"

"Tradition," she says with a shrug. His eyes widen, and he nods as she continues, "Wasn't sure if everyone was on leave during the coup cleanup, but..."

"I was," he says. "But I appreciate it. Welcome back to being my favorite. Hey, EDI, can you put this away for me?"

Joker offers the whiskey sideways at the co-pilot's seat, which is occupied by the same goddamn robot that nearly killed her on Mars. Ashley has her assault rifle out and aimed before Joker's yelling, "Shit, shit, shit, what the shit, Ash!" and she remembers what both he and Shepard had mentioned to her in hospital about EDI using Eva Coré as a mobile platform.

"The last time I saw that thing, it almost killed me," she snaps, reluctantly lowering her gun.

"I'm sorry for the unpleasant association," says - yeah, that's EDI's synthetic voice coming out of the android's mouth. "I had warned Jeff that seeing me might cause you unnecessary distress."

She sighs, and kneels down to put her gun back in her case. "That's one way of putting it."

"I completely forgot, sorry," says Joker, his hands up. "But hey, at least you're getting the traumatic reintroduction over with now instead of when Shepard decides to make you her shore party."

" _Warn me_ the next time you want to introduce me to something that almost killed me, or I'm taking that whiskey back," she grumbles. "That's an order."

For the first time in her life, he actually salutes her. "Aye aye, ma'am."

"Thank you for not shooting this platform," says EDI. "I find it useful for seeing planets and space stations the ship's sensors cannot reach, and also for providing combat support."

"Don't mention it." she says stiffly, and she stands. "I'll see you two around."

"We'll be here," says Joker.

Her heart's still pounding as she heads through the CIC to the elevator. In hospital, when the ship AI taking a mobile platform was just news about her friends' lives, she hadn't thought seeing it would affect her this much. If she lives until her next performance review, 'almost shot two crewmates in one day' is going to look great, if it doesn't get her removed from duty on her next psych eval first.

Thankfully, she gets only salutes on her way to the elevator, not questions about looking freaked out or anything. When the elevator opens on the crew deck, the sight of Garrus at the memorial wall is enough to send a wave of calm over her. She walks up to him and announces her presence by loudly dropping her duffle and gun case by his feet, and once he glances at them and then up at her, his face goes _radiant_ with joy.

" _Finally_ ," he says. "You didn't reply to my texts."

"What, I had business to take care of," she replies, smiling.

He lifts a hand before catching himself. "Does the _Normandy_ count as public?"

"If it's not behind closed doors, yes," she says, and he drops his hand. "Where are you hanging out these days? Do we have a new Mako yet?"

He snorts. "Sadly, no. I stay in the main battery, which _does_ have a door. Calibrating a Thanix cannon is much more fun than fixing a Mako and _occasionally_ playing with its cannons."

"All this time with cannons," she says. "Are you compensating for something?"

"You _know_ I'm not," he murmurs, leaning over barely an inch from her hair.

"Actually, I don't," she points out, deliberately stepping away. "It's not like I know average turian dick sizes. For all I know you're small and insecure."

Garrus bursts out laughing, and she can't help but join in. When they finally fall silent, she looks away from him to the memorial wall. She'd looked at the names on the way to Mars and designated this her new spot for visiting Kaidan, the way she'd used his old station by the mess on the first _Normandy_. With his more open stance on aliens from the get-go and his more casual attitude to fraternization, she thinks he might have approved of her and Garrus, would have laughed along with them before declaring this conversation too much information.

It doesn't take long for Garrus to notice what she's looking at. "I just put Thane up here. I'm glad I didn't have to add _your_ name today."

She looks at him, wonders if he could have pulled the trigger, wonders if _she_ could have, and decides she doesn't want to know. Instead, she reaches up and rubs her thumb on Kaidan's name plate.

"Not today, LT," she says. "We'll catch up some other time."

"Not any time soon, if I have anything to say about it," says Garrus. She can feel his gaze on her. "Losing one of you was enough."

She hasn't spoken aloud to Kaidan like this since the first _Normandy_ , and certainly never in front of other people, at least not deliberately (she's been walked in on and awkwardly ignored). For Garrus to join in like this, and with a promise to protect her... Ashley has to resist the urge to lean into him.

"Thank you," she whispers, still looking at Kaidan's name plate. It's for both of them, really: Kaidan for giving his life for her, Garrus for looking out for her ever since.

"I was thinking about you two a while back, just before curing the genophage," he says. "We had this mission on Tuchanka: A young turian lieutenant who lost a lot of his men, a big bomb, and that lieutenant gave his life to make sure the bomb didn't go off. Tried to visit you when we got back," he adds, turning towards her, "but you were gone."

It wasn't just one time that he tried to visit. Ashley steps closer to him, close enough to touch, but at the sound of the elevator coming down, they spring apart, and Garrus trips over her things. She's still laughing at him when the doors open and Shepard comes over to them in civvies, looking bemused.

"Ash, glad you made it," she says. "Can you meet me in the conference room in five?"

Ashley blinks. "Sure thing, skipper."

"See you there, LC."

Shepard heads off behind the elevator, and Ashley shrugs at Garrus, hefting her gun case. "Better go see what she wants."

"I can take those, if you want," he says. "I'll put your guns and armor downstairs and your bag in the battery, unless you know where you're bunking." He pauses. "Although if you _want_ to bunk with me -"

"Thank you," she cuts him off, handing him the case. She can't move in with him, not while their relationship is a secret, but it saves her not only dragging her stuff to the meeting but also putting her field gear away later.

"I'm going," he says wisely, and picks up her things for a tactical retreat.

 

There's something about the conference room that makes Ashley feel like she should be in dress blues instead of officer battle dress uniform. It might be that they have a table now. Shepard across the table from her in her N7 hoodie does nothing to shake this feeling.

"So while I was going through the paperwork for your transfer, I realized that this ship hasn't had an official Alliance XO since we left Earth, and _EDI_ 's been doing a lot of the admin stuff."

"We _did_ leave with a skeleton crew," says Ashley. Barely even a skeleton crew, considering it was whoever was still onboard when Joker took off.

"I'd like you to be XO, Ash."

Ashley stares. "Commander?"

"I have your files," she reminds her. "You took out squads a few times on the first _Normandy_ , and Garrus, Tali, Joker, and Chakwas have all told me how you held the crew together after the ship was destroyed. You're a good leader. You can motivate people, and you take stands for your principles."

She sighs. The first _Normandy_ crew knew her; she'd been on countless missions and assignments with the squad and spent months on the ship with the crew. She barely met this crew before getting beaten up on Mars. "Do you really think anyone but Garrus and James would trust me once they find out what happened today?"

"Oh, please, no one trusted Miranda," says Shepard, which isn't reassuring in the slightest. "Also, you're the highest ranked Alliance soldier onboard after Chakwas, and she doesn't want it. I already asked her."

"She has enough paperwork to deal with from our medical files," she points out.

"I'm happy for EDI to continue doing the paperwork that doesn't need an organic touch, and for you to handle personnel," says Shepard. "Of course, if you'd really rather answer to Adams when I'm not around..."

It's not a bad idea, though she's not sure how much field experience he has.

"Oh, no, I was kidding," Shepard adds, probably at the look on her face. "But look, if you really don't want this..."

"I do," she says. Command over a ship, even if it's just when someone else isn't around... She's never _dared_ to want it, trying to save herself the inevitable heartbreak. "I just don't feel like I deserve it."

"Then earn it on the job," says Shepard. "Prove to yourself that you deserve this, because you've already proven yourself to me."

She blinks back sudden tears, straightening up. "Yes, ma'am."

"Great," says Shepard, and she pushes a single key on her omni-tool.

"You already had the forms done," Ashley accuses her.

"I would have deleted them if you'd said no," Shepard says, unashamed. "Anyway: Quarters. I don't know how much you poked around before running into your boyfriend, but Liara's taken over the Cerberus XO quarters, and I'm not kicking her out."

She couldn't ask Shepard to kick her girlfriend out of her own quarters for her anyway, but... "She's taken it over?" Ashley echoes, puzzled. "With what? Prothean artifacts?"

For a moment, Shepard gives her a strange look, before something clicks for her. "Liara's the Shadow Broker."

Ashley pauses, thinking back. "I _thought_ she said something about her 'resources as the Shadow Broker' back on Mars. No wonder she was so busy when she came to see me in hospital."

"It's a long story," says Shepard. "I'll have to get her and Garrus to help tell it. But what's left of her equipment is here now. Besides, if she filled that office with Prothean artifacts, Javik might show an emotion other than anger."

"Who?"

"I'll give you a personnel rundown and real introductions after this," Shepard decides. "So. What I _can_ offer you is the starboard observation lounge. It has a nice view, couches that aren't any worse than the bunk beds for sleeping on, a desk, and privacy."

She'd hung out there on the way to Mars: It's bigger than Shepard's CO quarters on the first _Normandy_. Ashley smiles. "I'd like that. Thank you."

"EDI, you got all that?" Shepard calls out.

"Keying the starboard observation lounge lock to Commander Williams' identichip now," says EDI. Ashley makes a mental note to tell her to let Garrus in too.

"Thank you, EDI," says Shepard. "So, the crew..."

 

Shepard stares at her in the elevator.

"What?"

"I just realized," Shepard says. "I called Garrus your boyfriend and you didn't say he wasn't."

Even as tension coils in her wrists, Ashley struggles to keep a straight face. "That situation has changed."

To her surprise, Shepard breaks into a grin. " _Finally_ ," she says. "He's been denying every label for it since Horizon. You weren't his ex, or his girlfriend, or his fuckbuddy, or his girl."

She can't really blame him for not knowing what to call it when they hadn't had much contact, but on the other hand... "We were just... Ash and Garrus," Ashley says with a shrug. More than friends, but less than lovers; two people who knew they couldn't have each other.

"And now you're Ash and her new turian boyfriend," says Shepard.

The elevator doors open. Ashley hits the button to close them, and waits for them to shut before speaking. "Please don't go spreading it around. I'm a Williams, I _know_ it's against the regs, I don't want anyone thinking I slept my way onboard the _Normandy_ -"

"No one's going to think that," Shepard replies, shaking her head. " _Everyone_ knows that's not how I recruit people, and besides, only Joker, James, EDI, and I know about your relationship. And if you think I care about the fraternization regs -"

" _Please_ ," she repeats. Shepard nods immediately, and her tension eases away. "Thanks," she says. "I just... don't want to ruin this."

"I'll kill you if you hurt him," Shepard says pleasantly, and opens the doors again to get out.

Ashley stares after her for a moment, a little stunned by both her easy acceptance of their relationship and the casual threat, then shuts the doors. "EDI?"

" _Yes, Commander?_ "

"Key the starboard observation lounge door to Officer Vakarian's identichip too, please."

" _Done._ " EDI pauses, then adds, " _While you were talking with Shepard, Garrus had me key the battery door to your identichip._ "

She doesn't bother to try and hide her smile as she opens the door again. "Thanks, EDI."

" _You're welcome, Commander. Logging you out._ "

 

"This is Lieutenant Commander Ashley Williams," says Shepard, once everyone who can be spared is gathered in the mess and EDI's broadcasting the audio feed through the ship. "You may know her from her Distinguished Service Medal for the attack on Eden Prime and her Medal of Honor for the Battle of the Citadel, and from what James tells me, a Battlespace feature on the Alliance's Rapid Response Bases."

"Oh my god," says Ashley, resisting the urge to bury her face in her hands. "You're worse than my mom."

"'You're worse than my mom'..."

"You're worse than my mom, _ma'am_ ," she says, and contemplates mutiny as the crew laughs.

Shepard grins, and quiets them all with, "And she's your new XO. Most of you are Alliance, so you know the drill: You can go to her with anything you don't want to bring to me directly, and you listen to her when I'm not around."

"Yo, Lola," James calls out. Ashley wonders who the hell Lola is, then gets her answer when Shepard glances at him. Him and his nicknames. "I thought Scars was our XO."

Scars. There's only one person on this ship with scars visible while fully dressed, and he shakes his head when she meets his eyes and raises an eyebrow.

"I never said that," says Shepard. "Besides, turian XO on an Alliance ship? I may be a Spectre, but come on."

Ashley stares at him pointedly as Shepard announces Ashley's office/quarters and dismisses them. By the time she emerges from personal introductions, a congratulatory thump on the back from James, an awkward reunion with Traynor ("I figured out after Mars why you looked so familiar: you were the one who taught me how to reload a thermal clip after the Collector attack on Horizon"), and a quick catchup with Diana Allers, who remembers her from the Rapid Response Base interview, Garrus has disappeared.

She checks in with Chakwas, both on the medi-gel job Garrus did and to see how much PT she can do on the _Normandy_. Outside the medbay window, Garrus walks past with her duffle and back to the battery without it. After getting the all clear from Chakwas, unpacking, and wrestling with some of the locker settings, she finally goes for dinner late into the evening. She's almost finished when Garrus comes out to the mess, wearing pajamas and reading a datapad.

"Are you _sure_ I didn't steal your job?"

The look of pride on his face as he sets his datapad on the kitchen bench is like the day of the medal ceremony, but it was more restrained then, back when they were dancing around each other unsure if the other was still interested. Now, he's so _fiercely_ proud of her that she knows his answer before he says it. "No," he says firmly, getting out a mug and some purple powder she vaguely remembers as the main ingredient for a hot dextro drink. "I didn't think we even _had_ an XO. Shepard's just told some of the others to look to me when she goes ashore sometimes, and not even _every_ time I'm not in the shore party. James gets a nice 'don't ram another shuttle' thrown in there as well."

"Okay," she says, relaxing and getting back to the remnants of her meal. "Good."

" _Very_ good," he says, adding hot water to his mug and stirring. "After what happened when the first _Normandy_ went down, you deserve this."

Ashley allows herself to smile. "That's what Shepard said."

He stares at her with his mug halfway to his mouth. "You don't believe it, do you?"

She shrugs. "She said I only needed to prove to _myself_ that I deserve it."

" _Ash_ ," he says, and he carries his drink as he comes over to headbutt her. She can't bring herself to tell him off for the public display of affection.

"I'm working on it," she says, though it's pretty far down her to-do list of self-doubt, and she changes the subject. "What were you reading?"

When they both go back to the kitchen, her with her empty tray and utensils to wash, Garrus picks up the datapad and clears his throat. "We are not now that strength which in old days moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are -"

"One equal temper of heroic hearts, made weak by time and fate, but strong in will to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield," she finishes, swallowing a lump in her throat. They _are_. "When did you start reading human poetry that I didn't quote at you?"

"When I found your book in starboard obs. Shepard said you know that one by heart and I got curious." He waves the datapad. "But I didn't want to rip your book."

She looks around at the empty deck, then reaches for his free hand, tracing the edge of one gloved talon. "Thanks." For thinking of her things, for trying out her interests.

He hums, and turns his hand over to hold hers as he swaps the datapad for his drink and takes a sip. Ashley promptly ruins the moment by yawning.

"Shut up," she says, smiling despite herself as he starts chuckling. "It's been a long day."

"A very long day," he agrees. "Go to bed."

She lets go, and starts to leave. "Good night." After another glance around, she adds, quietly but no less fondly, "Love you."

"Love you too," he replies, and she makes it to the back of the elevator before he adds, "Hang on."

She pauses and glances back at him. He actually hesitates for a moment longer than it takes to look around before he says, "I know you don't want anyone on the ship to know about us, but can I sleep over tonight? After what happened today - after the last two years - I don't want to let you out of my sight."

She's nodding before she can think better of it, and as he smiles and comes towards her, he calls out, "EDI, are we clear to starboard obs?"

" _Private Campbell is in the women's restrooms,_ " reports EDI.

"That girl stays up late," says Garrus, shaking his head. "But we can make it."

Ashley furrows her eyebrows, disapproving.

There's a gleam in his eye as he comes over to her. "If she catches us, we'll just tell her we're having a late night consult on sniper rifles."

"I really hope that wasn't innuendo," she says, and he laughs, but doesn't clarify. "EDI, tell us when Campbell's back in crew quarters."

" _Understood._ "

The suspense is fun for about a minute before she starts to feel guilty. "I'm really sorry we have to hide it," she murmurs.

"It's not like I haven't known this whole time how important your career is to you," he says gently. "Besides, what's that human saying? Better to love in secret than to never love at all?"

More Tennyson, if mangled. She chuckles. "'Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,'" she corrects him. "And I do not plan on losing you."

His eyes soften as he gazes at her, and there's no way for her to look away. He leans in, and perhaps unconsciously, he licks the edges of his mouth plates before asking, "Can I _please_ -"

" _The path to the starboard observation lounge is clear,_ " announces EDI.

"Thanks, EDI," Garrus says, his gaze still on Ashley's mouth. He wrenches his eyes upwards, and together they head to her quarters.

"'Can I please' what?" she asks once they're in her room, though she has a feeling she knows exactly what he was asking for.

He tags the lock on her door behind her. "Kiss you."

There's something oddly appealing about him still asking permission and not immediately doing it the second they got to privacy. She leaves him hanging for a moment just to memorize the look in his eyes, then nods and says, "Of cour--"

How quickly he acts on that permission takes her by surprise, yet he's not at all forceful about it, sliding his mouth against hers with just enough pressure to tease. Ashley tugs him down by the back of the neck, and as he makes a pleased sound into her mouth, she can taste his drink on his tongue, earthy and a little like citrus, the way other people describe coriander. With both his hands full, he doesn't touch her anywhere else on her body, so she tries to make up for it, arching towards him, but she only succeeds in knocking his mug, spilling a little of his drink onto him. Hastily, he pulls away, correcting the angle before he spills the whole thing.

"Shit," she says, chuckling despite herself. "Sorry. Are you okay?"

"Just wet. It's cool enough not to burn," he says, his mandibles splayed lazily. "But _I'm_ sorry - I really did mean for you to go to sleep. Besides, I don't have anything, and my mouth's already itchy from before."

"Actually, check that small locker on the far right bottom shelf. Password's 'theyfightcrime'," she says. Chuckling, he goes for it, laying his datapad next to the locker in question. As he takes out the condoms and dextro allergy meds, she adds, "Sorry I didn't get those to you before dinner."

"Aren't you prepared," he says, with an undertone of amusement. "Mind if I take half of these to my room tomorrow?"

"Only if you've got something you can lock them in," she warns, getting out sleep pants, a tank top, and her Spectre hoodie.

He finishes off his drink. "I don't know: I thought I'd just leave them out in the open and claim they're left over from when Bakara was here."

In the same sentence as the necessities for safe opposite chirality sex, an unknown but female sounding name throws her more than she wants to admit. "Who?"

"Wrex probably mentioned her to you as Eve."

Ah, yes, the krogan woman with the cure for the genophage whom Wrex had seemed to be interested in. "Is that really the fake rumor you want to spread?"

"Apparently Mordin was trying to set her up with me," he says, and as she wrinkles her nose at the thought of him with someone else (and then at her own hypocrisy), he sets his mug down and comes over to headbutt her. "I was hoping I was taken."

"You're taken now," she says, cupping his cheek in her hand and running her thumb along his colony markings.

"And so are you," he says, his subharmonic warm and fond. He turns his head and nuzzles her palm, then says, "Don't worry, I'll hide them."

He puts them back into the locker for now, and finds some bedding while she changes into her pajamas. As she wipes off her makeup, she allows herself to imagine a life with him: Domestic. Comfortable. Easy. It seems both an impossibility, though now because of the war instead of her surname and his species, and the closest to her reach it's ever been.

"I'm pretty sure these sofas are narrower than your Spectre bed," he says, taking off his visor and omni-tool and laying them around the corner of one of the couches. "I can sleep on another one -"

"No," she says. "I want you with me."

"Don't go rolling around," he says. "Shutters?"

"Open."

He hits the lights from his omni-tool, and as they settle in with a blanket and pillow, Garrus spooning her, she says, "Before the war, I used to look up at night from my garrisons and wish I could serve on a ship. Not even once did I think it would actually happen. And now look at me: Not just on a ship, but XO. Lieutenant Commander. Second human Spectre."

"In the arms of a turian," he adds lightly.

She chuckles and closes her eyes. Though turian anatomy isn't particularly comfortable to cuddle, even when they're not trying to fit onto a small sofa, she's come to like the ridges of his plates, unobscured by his thin sleep tunic, the heat, the rough texture. "That too, but I was thinking 'in the arms of the man I love'."

His hand goes tight on hers. "I never thought you'd say that," he says, his voice quiet, and her heart breaks out of guilt. "First it was your name, and then there was the suicide mission, and then - today's only the fourth time I've seen you since you left for the Rapid Response Base, I wasn't sure if you'd still be -"

Ashley turns around so quickly that only his arm keeps her from falling off the couch. "I never stopped, okay?" she says fiercely, pressing her forehead to his. "Not when I thought you were dead, _twice_. Not when I thought you were working for Cerberus. Not when I was stuck in hospital and I thought you were avoiding me. I've just been scared to say it, or hear it, because I thought that made it real, and with you flying off through the Omega 4 relay, I thought that would make it hurt. But this _is_ real. Every love poem I've read for the last two years have been about you. So I think you need to hear it again: I love you, Garrus, and I'm so sorry I've kept you waiting."

The words fell out of her like an avalanche and he looks like he's been swept away by it, his eyes wide and catching the starlight, his mandibles spread in wonder. When she's finally finished, he touches her cheek fondly.

"That was... quite the speech."

She chuckles, embarrassed, and tries to hide her face in the pillow. "Told you I'm not a -"

"You _are_ , a bit," he says. "I fell in love with you when words were all we had."

"Well, I'm still more confident with actions than words," she says, peeking back out at him.

"Both are good," he allows. "You've read love poetry about me? I noticed there were some love poems in that book you left behind, but none of them seemed very -"

"I carry your heart with me."

"Huh?"

"I carry it in my heart," she continues, and his eyes widen in understanding.

He holds his breath as she recites probably the first love poem she's said aloud since high school. She makes it dirty, slipping a hand between her legs for "whatever is done by only me is your doing", and he laughs and grins with his fangs showing. She makes it sweet, headbutting him for that second half of the first verse. She makes it _theirs_ , intertwining their fingers because here in this room "is the deepest secret nobody knows", not only that they're in a relationship at all, but that maybe it's not the _Normandy_ that's home after all: Maybe it's him. She makes it visual and _visceral_ , raising their hands to that huge window, because "this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart".

She falls silent after repeating the first line, and for a long time, Garrus doesn't say a word. Finally, she found a way to shut him up that doesn't involve fluid exchange.

"That was beautiful," he eventually says, his voice soft and reverent.

"I was going to record it for you," she says. "I'd _just_ decided that was what you'd get of my voice, and then you e-mailed me saying you'd quit C-Sec."

"I'm glad I lived to hear it live, then." He rests his forehead against hers. "I love you, Ash."

Smiling, Ashley closes her eyes. Sleeping with Garrus in the most literal sense the night before she'd left for the Rapid Response Base had felt like the end of all things _Normandy_. Now, it's a beginning. "Good night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, it bothered me that they didn't have an official XO in ME3.
> 
> They read good old "Ulysses" in the mess, then Ashley recited [Cummings](http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poem/179622) in bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Joke alternate summary: "The couple that slays together stays together."


End file.
